warnings: reader having panic attack (symptoms based on my own experiences with panic attacks)
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It felt like all of your nerves were on fire in the worst way possible. Everything was pushing you over the edge, telling you that you weren't safe, that you'd never be safe, that you couldn't just have a nice day. You chest was tight, impossibly tight, and you were so sure that your heart would explode out of it at any moment. It took everything in you to stumble out of your car and into your home, to collapse on your couch and just ride through the panic, through the anxiety.
You weren't sure if you were sobbing or hyperventilating. You couldn't hear anything over the blood pumping in your ears. You curled yourself into a ball, tucking your knees into your chest, burying your face in the cushion. Why did this always happen when things started going right in your life?
"Hey, angel, what do you want for dinner?"
Sam. Oh, Sam. You forgot he was home today, didn't have to go look after his nephews, wasn't on a mission, just home. You tried to quiet yourself, but it only made things worse.
As you gasped for breath, he wandered into the living room. You screwed your eyes shut, trying to will yourself to stop crying, but once you started, it was impossible to stop.
You felt a slight dip in the couch cushion as he knelt down in front of you. "Hey, do you need—"
You jerked away as you felt his hand touch your arm. "Don't touch me!"
God, you felt like a bitch for it. You knew he was just trying to help. But being touched, it made you feel like the flame was engulfing you, like someone was sticking your head under water, like someone was dragging their sharp nails down—you couldn't be touched. Not like this. Not even by the man you loved most.
"What's wrong?" he asked, pulling his hand away.
"Everything, nothing. I-I don't know," you sobbed. "Can't even fucking think."
"That's okay, you don't need to explain. It's okay, I'm here for you."
Slowly, your sobs began to quiet as the panic left you, and you started to sit up, toppling over as you began to feel light-headed.
"Whoa," he said, his voice calm, reaching out to steady you. "Easy, easy. I got you."
"I'm sorry you had to see this," you mumbled as he rose to get onto the couch, enveloping you in his arms.
"Don't you ever feel sorry about feelin' like this, angel. You know I'm always gonna be here for you."
