𝐏𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐔𝐌 (𝐷𝑎𝑟𝑦𝑙 𝐷𝑖𝑥𝑜𝑛)

𝐹𝑖𝑓𝑡𝑦 𝐹𝑜𝑢𝑟

My body shuddered as I stepped onto the porch. The outside air was frigid and unforgiving, a growing symptom of winter's steady arrival.

I wrapped my arms around myself and watched my breath disappear as a cloud of vapor. To my right, Connor sat lazily on a plastic chair with a cigarette hanging from his lips. A can of Red Bull lay hidden behind the legs of the chair. A few yards away from the house, Clementine chased a butterfly in circles.

"You guys are up early," I remarked and approached Connor.

He jerked his head up and smiled at me.

"Lee asked me to babysit while he got his beauty sleep. He was on patrol last night," he explained.

I took an empty seat next to him and watched Clementine move on to picking tiny white flowers that grew among the grass. I noticed her hair had escaped the little pigtails they were normally in and her curls stuck out from under the edges of her baseball cap. I wondered if she ever washed that thing.

"Do you ever miss being a kid?" I asked him.

Connor snorted and removed the cigarette from his mouth.

"When I was a kid, my dad beat me for being queer."

"Oh."

Oncoming footsteps came from inside the house and I turned to see the front door suddenly open. Jack stepped out wearing a thick brown coat and a heavy look on his face. His beard was starting to grow back in and his hair was still disheveled from sleep.

"Mornin'," he nodded to us.

Our eyes met for a moment and his expression visibly softened. I quickly looked away, acting as if his presence didn't have the slightest effect on me. Jack sighed and walked down the porch steps to take his shift watching the walls.

"You're an idiot," Connor said.

He took a long drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out towards the ceiling.

"What?" I scoffed.

"How long have you been ignoring him for?"

"A week," I answered and folded my arms.

Connor combed out the frizzy curls on his head with his fingers and rolled his eyes.

"You are letting the hottest piece of ass in this group get away just because he made a mistake."

"He killed someone," I clarified.

"Yeah, but he's a doctor. Doesn't that kind of cancel it out?" Connor shrugged.

I stared at him, dumbfounded and on the brink of a headache.

"What is it like inside your head?"

He smiled slyly in response.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" I exclaimed. "Why aren't you on my side?"

"I am!" Connor insisted. "But the past is the past. I think you should forgive him so you guys can finally screw."

I laughed dryly and rubbed my neck.

"It is not like that, at all!"

"Oh, come on. Every time he's around you, he has hearts bulging out of his eye sockets."

My stomach twisted and turned. I knew there was some truth to Connor's words. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't notice the chemistry between me and Jack. But, I wasn't dying to tear his clothes off.

Every time the thought of being intimate crossed my mind, the smell of hot asphalt filled my nose. I could still vividly remember the sounds of the walkers and the hands that touched me as I lay trapped under that white van.