𝐏𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐔𝐌 (𝐷𝑎𝑟𝑦𝑙 𝐷𝑖𝑥𝑜𝑛)

𝑇𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒

It was only a few moments after the last walker straggled off when I heard the shrill screams. I took advantage of the distraction and snatched my knife away from Shane's belt, quickly rolling out from under the van and climbing to my feet. 

I grabbed my backpack by the top handle and dashed towards the commotion, weaving in and out of cars until I reached the source of the noise. Lori had her arms wrapped around a hysterical Carol; other members of the group quickly resurfaced from the maze of cars.

"What happened?" My voice shook as I approached a fearful looking Glenn.

"Sophia, she's out there. Rick too," he pulled off his baseball cap and ran an anxious hand through his black hair. His eyes scanned over to my trembling hands and met my gaze with concern.

"Are you okay?" He asked a little too loudly, drawing attention from Dale and T-Dog, who had apparently sliced open his arm. Daryl stood on the outskirts of our little group, as he usually did. His eyes flickered up to meet mine and carefully looked me up and down. I didn't like being analyzed.

"Yeah, just freaked out by the walkers," I cleared my throat and slung my backpack over my shoulder, sliding my knife back into its leather sheath.

Out of the corner of my vision, Shane appeared from behind a red car and walked over to Lori, who was still trying to console Carol. I didn't want to be around any of these people, these ignorant people who had a sociopath at the helm of the ship, whispering into Rick's ear at every turn he made. Without a word to anyone, I made my way around Glenn, catching one last glance from Daryl before heading over to the motorhome.

✯✯✯

Rick had come back empty-handed and enlisted the help of Daryl, Glenn, and Shane, leaving the rest of us to wait by the motorhome until they got back. I helped Dale drag out a dead walker from the RV that Andrea had killed. She stared numbly at the wall while we worked. 

Carol was still crying hysterically outside with Lori next to her; Carl sat in the passenger's seat of the motorhome and T-Dog cradled his injured arm carefully from his spot at the collapsable dining table. 

I stared at my reflection in the tiny bathroom of the motorhome. Thick strands of chestnut hair awkwardly framed my face, my palms were dirty from mulling about on the concrete and the two top buttons of Daryl's shirt had been ripped out. I didn't feel like I had survived anything; I felt like I had lost. My fingers undid the remaining buttons and I pulled the shirt off of my skin, folding it into my backpack. My bra ended up stuffed at the bottom of my bag along with Daryl's shirt

With a wet hand towel, I cleaned the sweat and dirt from my arms and chest. I felt like it was the first time I had bathed in forever. After my skin was clean enough, I pulled on a blue short sleeve that hugged my stomach along with a clean sports bra underneath. Once my hands had smoothed down my hair and I was satisfied with my appearance, I took another long look at myself in the mirror.

There was an ugly feeling in my stomach. It felt like a mass that was slowly growing, feeding off my organs as it spread throughout my body. I was being eaten alive by my own emotions and it felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it. Joining this group was a mistake. I had gotten too comfortable and it ended up coming back to bite me. I decided then that I needed to leave. I didn't know when or how, but I couldn't stay.

I didn't have anyone to talk to. Everyone was living in their own little bubble of worry and grief and I wasn't feeling inclined to be the one to pop them. Keeping to myself never hurt me and it sure as hell wouldn't then. I sat on an overturned bucket outside of the motorhome, the only people around were Carol and Lori. I assumed that Dale was on his perch again on lookout duty.

"Little lady," T-Dog stuck his head out of the doorway and peered down at me. His brows furrowed and he stepped out onto the concrete. 

"You good?"

"Yeah," I nodded. I forced my brows to relax and took on a more neutral expression. "Thank you though."

The sun was starting to set around us and the sky bloomed with an orange hue. If the world wasn't in its current state, the colors might've actually soothed me.

"They're back," T-Dog pointed towards the top of the steep slope next to the freeway where the group of four were heading back. Still no Sophia.

✯✯✯

(𝑷𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 5/17/20)