The Light In Her Eyes

I Can't Help It

I'm not going to school again. I tried, I really did, to live normally. I made an effort to fit in, but I was put with the worst people in drama. I don't need drama class to have drama in my life.

"Hey, you alright Vivian?" Ed was worried for me. I refused to go to school, and both of her parents had to work.

"Yeah! I won't break anything, I promise," I faked a smile at him. He knew I got in trouble for running away, but besides that, I was a good kid. I just had a lot of problems I had to deal with.

"Alright, I'll be back around 4 tonight, Ky will be home normal time."

"Yes Ed, I know. Go do your job with pushing people around," I joked and he laughed as he left the house. I locked the door.

Finally alone. I plopped onto the couch and held my necklace, pushing energy into it, hoping to contact the only friends I had.

Hey Ky, what's up?I struggled.

After a few minutes, she responded. Ah, not much. Glad you figured this out!! I'm in class, and the teacher is ranting on about stuff. I could tell she huffed.

I'll let you get back to that, I'm gonna contact Cody and LeAnne.

You called? Cody 's voice rang in my head.

Hey guys! My school is out, it's an unused snow day. LeAnne chimed in. A break, that sounds nice. I think a break is all I need... a break from the real world, from the crappy life I live. I'll be better soon. I let go of my necklace, letting the energy flow out.

I reclined on the couch, thinking. My life was terrible.... I lost all parents I've ever had, no one talks to me, I'm bullied, my best friend likes me- the last one made me stiffen. Was it really a bad thing? We were still friends, right? I didn't even know what to say about all of this anymore. Giving up, I relaxed again.

I laid on the couch until I fell asleep.

~~~~~

"Honey, I'm sorry but we need to talk."

My mother stood in front of my 5 year old self.

"Yes mommy? What's wrong?"

She was crying, "your daddy he-" she sobbed. I couldn't see her like this.

"Mommy?? Please stop crying, what's wrong?"

"Your daddy is dead sweetie... he died in war."

Of course, as a child, I didn't understand those words, but those were the words I heard before my mother left me that night for the bar. She came back with a man, Doug. I knew she didn't love him, but she so upset that she didn't bother making the drunken man go home. She brought him to our home the day after my father's death.

She was drunk at the time too, but, she made the poorest decision.

---

It was the night after the wedding, and Doug was beating her.

He tried to comfort me as my mother lay on the ground, crying. "Its okay Vivian honey, come here to daddy."

"No!!" I screamed when he tried to grab me. "You will never be my daddy!!! Never! I hate you!!!"

That's when I realized how much I missed my dad, and how much I would hate Doug.

~~~~~