Crescendo

Chapter 17: Slow.

Life after my miscarriage was hard but i pushed through it. I accepted my responsibility in the situation and moved forward. The healing process was tough but i stayed positive.

I meant what i said about changing my lifestyle, too. I cut back on all the drinking and partying. I still went out but i made sure i kept it cute at all times. If i wanted to have a child in the near future, i had to learn to start moderating my behavior. Partying was fun but i was doing too much. I developed a 'work now, play later' mentality. I didn't work myself to death like i did before but, i made sure i was on my grind.

I still worked at the steakhouse in SoHo but i was modeling part time too. It started off with Dom taking off gaurd candid shots of me, then eventually i let him shoot me for real. He showed the photos to some of his friends in the industry and i became a model overnight. It was surreal how much that man had changed my life. He never ceased to amaze me.

As far as me and Dom went, we were great. Our love only intensified as the days went on. The miscarriage was hard on us both but, our tragedy actually brought us closer together as a couple. We were communicating better and i was truly happy. After a few weeks, i finally agreed to move in with him.

Ash and i were still inseparable. Even though i moved out, we still made time for each other. Every thursday we met up for coffe, no matter if it was rain, sleet, or snow. We never missed a thursday. It was a new tradition.

***

"So, what's new?" Ash said, taking a sip of her cappuccino.

"Nothing much." I shrugged. "Work, work, and more work."

"I feel you on that." She snorted. "How are you though?"

"I'm coping." I shrugged.

"I know I've aaid it a billion times but I'm really sorry you had to go through that, Diya." She grabbed my hand.

"Don't be." I shook my head. "You tried to warn me and i didn't listen. I was in denial, i guess. I never thought i could get pregnant. It just wasn't something i was ever worried about so i pushed that possibility to the back of my mind. Looking back on it, it was selfish of me to ignore the signs. I'm paying the price for it now, i guess. I'm fine though. I've moved on and feeling a lot better now. I'm just taking everything day by day."

"You made a mistake but you can't blame yourself. Ignorance is bliss, babe. You didn't know. Don't beat yourself up over something you couldn't prevent."

"I know." I sighed. "I'm fine though. It's a lot to deal with sometimes but it's okay. I'm still young. I have plenty of time to have another baby."

"Do you want another baby?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I do. Someday." I smiled. "I feel like it's too soon, though. I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom yet. What if I'm a bad mother?"

"Diya, don't say that." She said, giving me a sympathetic look. "You'd be a wonderful mother, and I'm not just saying that because we're best friends. You are one of the kindest, most loving people I've ever met. I've never met anyone more loving and considerate than you. I know without a shadow of a doubt, you'd be a great mother. Wanna know how i know?"

"How?"

"Because the man upstairs told me so." She said, pointing to the ceiling.

"Shut up." I said, finally cracking a smile for her. "I get what you're saying though... i want another baby, but I'm scared. I don't think i could recover from another miscarriage, Ashley."

"Hey, don't talk like that. You have to be optimistic, babe. Sometimes terrible shit happens to us and we get scared but, we can't let that fear hold us back from our happiness. If you really want something, you can't get discouraged at the first sign of trouble. You have to claim what's yours. If you want a baby, then have a baby. It's your life and you only have one time to live it so don't waste time worrying about the worst. Everything will be fine. Okay?"