LOUD MOUTH → PETER PARKER ✓

Chapter Twenty-Nine: The After

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄: THE AFTER

There is no way to explain the after. Peter Parker's life faded into a dizzy haze after the events of the clock tower. He vaguely remembered when the police showed up and surrounded the building. He was still holding onto Callie hours later, talking to her, telling her to stay alive even though he knew she was gone.

The eyes he had been looking into were hers. The person he had been holding onto was her. But there was something missing. The spark of life was gone. The heart inside her was there, but it refused to beat for him, for the world, for anyone.

He vaguely remembered hearing Callie's mother scream when the police told her the news. He remembered when Lily showed up and collapsed in Teresa Adams' arms. He stayed as far away from them as he could, not wanting them to see the person who failed to save Callie. Her daughter. Her niece.

He vaguely remembered having to sneak back into his bedroom and act like he knew nothing when he heard May's footsteps heading towards his door. He had to listen to her tell him the news all over again, as if he hadn't been forced to bear witness to Callie's death.

He remembered the funeral. How it had ripped off the bandage and cut the wound right open again. He remembered how the Mayor dissolved into sobs before she could even get halfway into her speech. He remembered Gwen holding tightly onto his hand as they put Callie in the ground. He saw her name in the news, her face on the screen.

He put the suit away for good. Spider-Man was no longer a symbol of hope. Not to him

The only time since her death when he really felt like he was there was days later. When he stood in front of her grave, his feet inches away from the fresh dirt that hadn't quite been grown over with grass. He felt like he was seeing it for the first time. Seeing her for the first time since that night. The after became the now.

He went to see Miss Edelstein first. He couldn't have pictured her crying as hard as she was when she saw his face. He figured he'd tell her what he thought Callie would have wanted to say to her. He couldn't get in more than a "thank you" before crying with her.

The scariest moment of them all came when he stood before the door to Callie and her mom's apartment and knocked. His backpack was slung over one shoulder. When the door opened, he saw Lily. For a moment his heart jumped, thinking it was Callie. They always looked similar.

She gave him a soft smile when she saw him, though sadness stretched at her features. "Come in," she said simply, stepping aside to allow him inside.

"Sorry, I didn't want to—"

"Don't apologize Peter." she stopped him quickly. "I'm glad you're here."

He turned. "You are?"

"We both are." a voice came from behind him. He turned to see Teresa, smiling warmly at him. He did his best to smile back, though he was terrified.

He nodded at her. "I, uh, just wanted to come by to, um, to tell you something." he said quietly. He slipped his backpack off his shoulder. "There's something I...something I want you to have."

With shaking hands, he unzipped the backpack, and from it he pulled the suit. It was folded in a way that suggested it hadn't been touched in years, though it had only been a few weeks. He walked to Teresa, unable to meet her eyes, and held it out to her.

She regarded it with a sad smile. "No." she said simply.

Peter looked up. She still smiled and shook her head gently. "I won't take it."

Tears filled his eyes as he began to explain. "Mrs. Adams...I couldn't save her. I couldn't give her that hope. And if I can't give people hope, how can I call myself a hero?"

"Peter, I can't take this." Teresa said gently, tears in her eyes now. "Maybe you can't give her hope, but you can give it to someone else. That's all that matters now."

Peter couldn't understand what she meant. He couldn't imagine anyone mattering more to him than Callie. Ever. How could Teresa, her mother, say that the only important thing was saving others when he couldn't even save her?

But he nodded anyways. "Okay, I understand." he said quietly. "You don't have to take it. But I can't keep it." he set it down gently on the table beside her and turned to go. Teresa didn't try to stop him. Lily watched sadly as he headed for the door. Just before he left, he paused to speak. "I'm sorry."

And with that, he was gone.

He was halfway out of the building when he heard his name being called in between loud, panting breaths. He turned to see Lily coming out of the stairwell, completely out of breath from running, holding something in her arms. She ran to him, not even bothering to catch her breath before she started speaking. 

"Listen to me, Peter. You cannot give this up. Callie didn't want you to." she said hurriedly. when he gave her a confused look, she shoved a box in his arms first, holding out a letter second. "I found this in her room. I thought it was for...never mind. You need to read this." she gave him the letter and patted the box. "And every time you try to bring this back to me or Teresa, it will be sent back to your doorstep in a heart beat, and that is a promise. Do you understand?" she asked.

Peter nodded, not quite sure what to say.

Lily sighed gratefully, having finally caught her breath. "Good." she turned to walk away but paused for a moment before she did. "She loved you, Peter. God, she loved you."

She disappeared into the elevator. Peter looked at the box, already knowing what was inside it. But the letter was burning a hole into his brain, making him feel more alive than he had in weeks.

He raced back home, barely acknowledging May as he ran up to his room. He tossed the box to the side and sat at his desk, holding the letter in his hands like it was a precious jewel. Nothing was written on the front. Nothing to indicate what could possibly be inside. 

With shaking hands, he opened it.