The Truth

chapter seven: honesty

I sit back down and wait for someone to say something literally anything.

"You mean Raegans gone?" Emmaline asks.

"Yep." I'm trying my best to not break down in front of all these people, but it's really fucking hard.

More silence

And more.

"I think we better go," Dylan breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry, I didn't uh. . .I didn't know," Rowan says.

"No I know I'm just not sure we can talk about this, and it's getting late anyways so it's probably best we just go."

"Shit I shouldn't have said anything, believe me we wouldn't have asked those questions if we knew." I can tell she feels bad, I just don't care.

"It's okay really," I say and we all stand up. I feel kind of bad for snapping that's not like me but I just couldn't stand it.

We leave and walk away from the house without saying a word.

"They just didn't know when to shut the fuck up," Julian says.

"I feel kinda bad for snapping but they just wouldn't take the hint."

"They kinda deserved it," Quinn admits.

"They did, didn't they?"

Everyone nods and laughs. I don't find it funny and I'm sure they don't either but laughing is the easy way out.

On our way back we get many texts, all of them apologizing. We finally had enough and blocked their numbers.

We make it back at nine. I've had a really long day and the escape would be to sleep. That's literally the only fucking thing I want to do. Also the thing I can't do.

I should see someone about this.  I just really really don't want to. I went to therapy when my parents got a divorce. My little mind didn't think something like that could happen to me. It was a hard time for nine year old me.

But as I got older I realized that a family shouldn't have looked like that anyway.

My own mom never hugged me. I think she just didn't know what to do with me if I'm being honest.

And my dad, well he had the anger all dads seem to have. Loud and terrible.

I don't know how I never realized that's not what a family is supposed to look like.

I realized my family was different when I met Raegan and Dylan's. They seemed to have the perfect family. Their parents would show affection, they also didn't bicker over little things that had no reason to be fought over.

I loved my mom and I loved my dad. I still do. I don't talk to my mom very often other than a little message here and there. The message usually is sent by me.

And my dad has a perfect family. He looks so happy, and I guess I'm happy for him. I just wish that even though he has a new family he could at least pretend to be happy with me too.

I haven't said a word to him in over five years. It hurts, but then again I don't have his shit in my life anymore.

I just don't want to go to therapy because it didn't do shit for me then. So I've convinced myself it won't do shit now.

I reach my room and open the door. I need to shut my mind off.

Everybody went to their rooms a little while ago. I stayed out in the living room by myself for a while.