The Truth

chapter eighteen: the truth

"I think I got everything," I say to Dylan and Iris as I look through my room over and over again.

"I hope so, every year you leave something." Dylan smiles.

"Pretty sure thats always been Raegan not me," I say.

Did I just bring her up and not feel destroyed while talking about it? I don't like that.

"Oh no I'm pretty sure it was you." Dylan gives me a small smile like she understands what I'm thinking.

"Yeah ok you're right."

We bring the suitcases out of my room and set them near the door. I'm not ready to leave. Actually I'm not ready to leave Quinn, I don't care about this place.

I was dreading the trip and now I'm dreading the leaving part. I wonder if Quinn wishes we could be here longer. Is he going to miss me? I shouldn't want the answer. I don't want to hear the truth.

The truth? What is the truth exactly? I will never know because I will never ask him.

I help load the car and we've yet again managed to fit everything. I want the same seating as last time.

To assure I get it I set my things on the seat.

I head back inside and we stand by the door. I don't think anyone really would like to leave. Am I the only one who doesn't care for this place? I just want Quinn. That's all I'm here for, otherwise this place is filled with too many memories. Memories I'd like not to hurt so much.

"I don't want to leave," Dylan says.

"Twas a fun week," Julian admits. It wasn't for me, not until a few days ago at least. So many things happened and I have yet to tell Julian and Dylan about Rae and I. I'll get around to it eventually.

"Well we should go," Dylan says and walks toward the door.

All of us follow without saying another word. I don't know what I would say.

Dylan takes her key and locks the door behind us. It's officially over. No more late nights with Quinn. It's just me now.

Technically speaking it was over when Quinn left my room this morning, I just didn't want to think about it. I still don't want to.

I hop into the car and Julian seems to know I wanted him in the backseat. As he should.

I buckle my seat belt and try not to focus on Quinn.

Eyes off Vera.

I wish he'd look at me and smile, maybe even secretly hold my hand. I try not to think about how amazing that would feel.

I pull out my phone and scroll through pinterest. I don't know what else to do.

We drive past all the big beautiful houses. It's never failed to amaze me that people with this money could want to live in a town so small. I would be living somewhere big and less crowded.

I put my phone down and look out my window.

I already feel the distance between him and I. I knew it would happen. I just didn't know exactly how I'd feel.
* * *
We pull into Quinn and Julians apartment complex. Julian climbs over the seat and almost kicks me.

We offer to help them take things in but they tell us they're fine.

I rest my head on the headrest as I watch Quinn close the building door behind him.

He didn't look back at me. What can I say? That I thought he would want to kiss me again, that I wouldn't only be his distraction? I don't know what I was expecting.