The Truth

chapter twenty-eight: dr. rin

It's almost midnight, just ten more minutes. This day has officially felt like the longest. I'm ready for it to be over.

I grab my phone out of my pocket and check the time on the screen. 11:52. Only eight more minutes.

When I look at the screen again I look at the date and almost have a fucking heart attack. It's the nineteenth of August. Making tomorrow the twentieth, which really fucking sucks.

It was a great day four years ago. But I can't deal with anymore hurt, and this day for the past two years has hurt a lot.

August Twentieth 2015 was the day Raegan and I started dating. Even though my feeling towards her are now only best friend it still fucking hurts.

I'm just glad both Quinn and his mom have fallen asleep so they don't see me cry.

Maybe a new day doesn't have to come after all. If time could freeze at what is now, 11:54 I'd be happy with that.

But it's not so I'll just have to suck it up and not say anything. I can't even think about it today or I'll start looking down and Quinn will ask me what's wrong and then I'll have to tell him. And I really don't want to tell him.

I stare at my phone screen and am interrupted by a doctor. Thankfully not Dr. Rin. I can't handle her right now.

She walks over and looks at Quinn and all the machines he's hooked up to. I don't say anything to her and she doesn't say anything to me. Just like I hoped.

She leaves without a word. I brace myself to look at a clock or at my phone screen.

I look at the clock on the wall because the clock on the wall doesn't also give me the date like my phone does. This way it's easier to pretend it isn't the day it is.

12:01.

Great.

I cry again and make the least amount of sound as I can.

"How long? How long have we both been feeling this way? How long have we been walking around thinking about each other? How long has it-"
I cut her off by kissing her. She lets out a giggle and it makes my heart warm.

I really like kissing her.

I force myself to stop the memories. I can't think or I'll cry even harder.

I wish I could sleep. I wish the sounds around this hospital weren't driving me crazy. But guess what? They are.

Misophonia really fucking sucks.

It gets worse everyday. I'm not shitting you. It's something that doesn't go away. You can learn different ways to cope. But there isn't a cure. I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life.

I cope by hurting myself. Although, I haven't done it since Quinn. He either distracts me or holds my hand. It doesn't make me not want to do it, it just distracts me. If I didn't have him I'd have marks all over my hands.

I wish I could sit here in silence and not want to hurt myself or plug my ears. It would be great to have the ability to tune sounds out.

I don't even have my airpods with me, so I can't put them in.

My car.

I don't even have my car. Dylan drove. Damn it.

If I needed to leave I wouldn't be able to until tomorrow morning.

I wasn't planning on leaving tonight, but what if I was? I wouldn't be able to leave obviously.

I've had enough. I need to walk around or do anything other than listen to these sounds. If I stay here much longer I'll end up hurting myself and/or crying.