The Mark on Us ( A Destiel Fanfic)

Stay or Go

Dean ended up going on for miles until he briefly scanned the clock postioned in his Impala and balked at the time reading 5:00 in the evening. He had been driving for more than 7 hours and he didn't exactly know where he was planning on going. The only thing really on his mind was the ever pressing matter of staying as far away from the people he loved as possible. Even though Cains voice still rang true in the back of his head, he didn't want to start believing those tall tales he had supplied him with. Dean thought that, even if he slightly began to ponder them, was the point of no return and he truly was as gone as Cain said. He wouldn't let himself get that gone. He couldn't.

He stopped at a nearby shabby motel that looked as dead as he felt and pulled into the parking lot. He quickly grabbed his one bag and sauntered into the lobby of the hotel, instantly overcome with the all too familiar smell of greasy fast food and burnt rubber. Those two scents could only be associated with the smell of Kentucky. Dean and his brother have been to their shares of hotels and traveled through all the states, give or take 20 times, to get a good idea where they were. You could blindfold him and place him in the middle of nowhere and Dean could tell where he was in a heartbeat. One of the few things that seem to follow him on his hunting life.

"How long will you be staying sir?" A woman stated, loudly smacking down on a piece of gum that she had just recently placed into her mouth.

"A room for tonight, then I'll be long gone and out of your hair." He pulled out a hundred dollar bill and passed it to the lady before she had a chance to say cash or credit.

She gave him a flirtatious smile and gave him his change back. On any other occasion, Dean would have winked and threw any old pick up line at her. That usually ended up with them two in bed or himself being smacked dead across the face. Either way their skins would be touching. Yet even the idea of him trying to flirt brought knots into his stomach and made his insides squirm. Some things will just never be the same.

He grabs the keys from her hands and walks over to his room, lightly laughing when he saw the room number 666 declaring itself proudly. The devil won't come a knocking anytime soon, he thought to himself. Unless, of course, Dean took his place and caused all hell on earth, which in that case meant that the room was quite fitting for him. Tossing his duffel bag to the side he fell back onto the bed, hearing the thud of him hitting the surprisingly soft mattress. He wasn't sure whether the bed was soft because he hadn't had a decent nights rest in a couple weeks or the fact that for once he found a hotel that was accommodated to his liking. He decided the first option fit the mold better and kicked off his shoes. Sleeping wasn't something that he felt would do him any good in the matter at hand but, at the rate he was going, he would drop dead by lack of rest instead of guns blazing. 

Before he knew it, Deans eyelids started to get heavy and sleep appeared just around the corner. But no sooner had he shut his eyes when a faint knocking sounded throughout the empty room. He jolted awake, grabbing for his gun that he kept close to him underneath the pillow. It was something that he never really thought of and almost did it out of habit more than anything. Slowly, he approached the door and rapidly opened it causing the wooden frame to creak with the aged foundation. Then, out of nowhere, someone ran in, throwing himself at him and onto the bed that screamed with the worn springs underneath it. He head butted the person in the face causing him to get off of him in surprise and Dean kicked him to the ground so that he was in a huddled mass on the floor. Approaching him, he aimed the gun at the figure and straightened is clothes.

"Who in the hell are you and what do you what with me? Did Crowley send you to try and retrieve the First Blade? Because if that's so I can already tell you that I don't have it and have no idea where my friend could have hid it. And besides, even if I did know I wouldn't even care to supply you with that information so you can tell your boss to go shove a demon blade up his..."

The figure raised himself up and looked Dean in the eyes before he could finish with his profane sentence. Dean face twisted into that of surprise and he backed away slowly from him.

"Cas..? What..what are you doing here? How did you find me? I..." He sat down on the now broken bed and rubbed at his eyes. Just when he thought he had everything at his fingertips and the people he loved at more than hands reach, they end up coming right back to him. Don't they understand that he was trying all in his power to get as far away from them as possible? That he is trying, for their well-being, to save the last inch of his humanity and be the Dean Winchester they all know and love? He steals a glance at Cas and realized that he must of got him pretty bad seeing that his cheek was home to a long  scratch, bleeding heavily into his hand. 

"Dean you aren't as good as you think you are at concealing your tracks. In hindsight, I found some deer to be harder to track than you. But perhaps it was because, in a way, you wanted to be found and returned back to the bunker, which in that case, is exactly what I was planing on doing anyway. Retrieve you bag and we will be on our way." Cas grabbed a clean linen towel beside the bed and rips it so that it makes a sort of bandage for his cheek. He was almost to the door when he turned around at Dean who hadn't moved one muscle from the spot he occupied. He tilts his head, shut the now mangled door and sat down beside him on the mattress.

"We can stay for tonight if you really insist on it but no more than that. I already contacted your brother so he is expecting you back at the bunker by tomorrow morning. Whatever you planned on doing Dean, is never going to succeed without our help. You think that secluding yourself from others will make things better but it won't. You are only going to make matters worse and, in the state you are in, we can't afford to take those chances."

"I'm staying Cas, but not just for tonight. I am staying here for the rest of my goddamn life. It may not be this same hotel but it will be several different ones. I'm not myself, Cas, no matter where you put me or what you say, there is no denying that I am not Dean Winchester anymore. You can't keep me locked up in the bunker because one day I may snap and I may kill you and Sam. That is not something I want to even think about happening in my lifetime. So after tonight, you are going to leave back to the bunker and you are going to have the most normal lives you can possibly have. You tell Sam to have a beer for me and find a girl that truly appreciates him for his nerdy behavior. And Cas....you have a wonderful life. I don't know if this rage will ever be gone from my system or if I'll ever be myself again but no point in wasting your time on me Castiel. So...I guess this is goodbye." He smiles at him and holds out his hand so Cas can shake it and be on with his life. He'll never have to see him ever again and he can be happy for once in his angel winged life. But Cas shakes his head and backs away from him, tears pooling in his life.

"Damn you Dean Winchester! Damn everything about you! You don't get to come into somebody's life, turn their world upside down and then just leave like nothing ever happened. Because a whole lot of things did happen and I can't change that! That angel I was over 8 years ago is long gone and you can thank yourself for that. Without you, I wouldn't have any of these godforsaken emotions and I would view the humans and everything else in it as less worthy than what I was told. I am going to save you Dean and not because I feel like it's my duty to save mankind and better the world. And not because I feel like if I don't you'll turn into a goddamn lunatic that will walk the earth and murder whoever they see in sight. I do it because I am in love with you Dean Winchester and if you don't see that by now then say the word and I'll leave your life forever." Tears were falling down his cheeks, some mingling with the blood from his wound making the water into a red tinted color. It fell onto his trench coat making little dots of red wherever it went.

Dean was speechless by the angels pleas. He didn't know what to think by the words that flew out of his mouth in a tornado of emotions. He couldn't exactly deny that there was something between them that didn't go the same as it did between Sam and Cas. Yet Dean always thought it was because he was more damaged than his own brother. Perhaps that's why Cas was inclined towards him because of his natural instinct to help whatever he could in his sight. But somehow, a part of him knew that that wasn't the case at all. Part of him knew that those long lingering eye glances, those heated arguments they always got into, those hugs that lasted a bit longer than they should have, wasn't because he felt it was his duty to care. It was because they actually did share a more profound bond.

"You're right Cas. I don't like you whatsoever. I don't see you as a friend or a brother or even a goddamn angel. I don't see you as any of those things because....I....think...I think I love you Castiel."