Then_And_Now_CHAPTER11
When they left we were filled with silence no one dared to talk, not even Jin whose very talkative. The three of them just sat on their sits so they can eat too. Jon was sitting beside me. Mika was in front of me and Yoongi was beside her. They casually put some food on their plates. Jin even put a scoop of rice to the both of them, and they just smiled as thanks.
Jin did the same to me too but I raised my hand to stop him, and that's when his voice comes out.
"You have to eat Jisoo, your unnie cooked a lot. We have to finish everything." he told me while serving me some viands now.
I glared at him but it was still no use. He still did what he wants. I just sighed deeply.
"I'm so proud to the three of you. Wow! You debuted, and now you're making great songs. I've been collecting your albums." Mika suddenly said, starting off a conversation.
"Thank you Mika, we are proud of you too. I've heard you become a journalist in US." I looked at Jin when he said that, she became a journalist? That's way too far to what her dream is. She wanted to be a producer. That's why she had a LP store before. She was fond of music too.
"Really?! A journalist?" Yoongi was shocked too.
"It eventually happened. I was applying for something else but I got myself a different job."
"Then how about your dream to be a producer?" I suddenly asked. Making the three of them look at me then to Mika.
"Oh, you still remembered that?!"
"That's nothing to be shocked about actually." I savagely said, her happy expression became blank. She was taken aback, she was embarrassed.
"Jisoo." Jin whispered to me somehow stopping me to act like that.
"It's okay Jin, she's right." she gave Jin an assuring smile. "Well the company that I applied was looking for a journalist, I was trying to find an available spot even if it's not a producer. So I just got the job."
I didn't bother answering nor asking once again. I don't want to lose my self-respect. She didn't do anything to me, she just happen to be the reason of my pain. But she was not here.
"How about you guys, how's being a performer?" she continued asking questions to the guys and they shared also. While I'm silently eating. "How about you Jisoo." she always includes me to her questions so I won't be left out. I kinda appreciate it though, but I'm not in the mood to answer. But I still try cause the man beside me keeps on kicking my left foot.
"It was okay." I answered, I drank on my water that Jin poured earlier.
"Yah Kim Jisoo, answer properly. We just shared like most of our career and all we can get from you was, 'It was okay'!? what kind of answer is that?!"
I look at Jin with my annoyed expression, why do he have a say to everything that I say?
"That's what you call a short yet simple answer." I told him. He rolled his eyes like a gay and put down his chopsticks harshly on the table making a painful sound.
"Please be proper." he firmly said. I put my gaze on my empty plate, I just stare at it for a while thinking what I did wrong.
Well maybe I really did something wrong, they were trying to include me in every conversation they have, and I just blatantly answered them.
"It's okay Ji-" before Mika can even utter Jin's name, I stood up from my sit.
"I'm sorry." the whole place was quiet again. "I'm just...I...don't wanna see you both in one place." I honestly said, what's the point of hiding my true feelings now. "I am happy to see you again Mika, welcome back to Korea." then I get myself out in front of them. I got my things that was hanging on the armrest of the couch.
But even before I step out from the house, Jin suddenly talked.
"Mika has a blood cancer, she was diagnosed in US."
"Seok Jin." Mika tried to stop Jin, a unforeseen tear fell from my eyes. My heartaches at the sound of it. I am blaming someone who didn't do anything to me.
My shoulders feel so heavy, it's like I'm carrying some heavy things.
"When we were happy celebrating our success, when we were sad mourning our lost, when we were excited having our performances, when we were worried for a successful stage, she was just all alone. All she need is the three of us. Kim Jisoo, all she ever wanted is to see you. You were her only friend. A female friend." every words that comes out from Jin's mouth feels like a dagger being stab to my body.
Now I feel like a bad friend. A bad person for pushing her away from me.
"Just talk, just cope up, you don't need to bring up the past."
"T-that's impossible." my voice was like a whisper. But no one dared to talk when I said that. "H-how can you say that we can't bring up the past by just coping u-up." I tried my best to sound mad. "We have n-nothing to share Jin."
"You have, you just don't want to open up." the tears coming out were like a flood that I've been keeping by myself.
"I never want to hurt you Jisoo, but I still did." Yoongi said, I know that. But I just can't accept it.
"Jisoo." Mika coed, I felt her presence behind me, her small arms wrapped around me, I felt her weight on my back.
She was crying too. And for the first time, I broke down. Now, not with Jin, but with Mika. I slumped myself on the floor, Mika leveled herself to me too, she continued to embrace me. It was so tight, so tight that I am afraid to let go.
I've never felt this fragile my whole life. I wanna feel that I'm secured, that I'm protected.
AFTER OUR breakdown moments earlier, I'm now sitting comfortably on the couch in the living room. The guys were in the floor, Yoongi was now sleeping, while Jin keep on changing the channel of the TV. I kicked his back to stop him.
I put my feet on the couch just like what I used to do on our dorm. Mika was sitting beside me, her head was on my right shoulder. She just giggled when I kick Jin.
"Why do you keep changing the channel?!" I hissed at Jin.
"I'm looking for a decent drama." he reasoned out.
"That's decent enough!"
"Low your voice Kim Jisoo, Yoongi is sleeping." he whispered, he's now teasing me.
"I don't care!" I shouted. Now Mika was covering both of her ears. While Jin was very cautious not to wake Yoongi. But he still was awake now.
"Please God, let me sleep! I can't sleep in our dorm!" Yoongi was now grumpy.
"That's not my problem if you can't sleep!" he looked at me with annoyed face. And I nod my head trying to challenge him.
"What now?" I told him.
"Tsk, I hope you can't sleep later." he said. He stood up and sat beside Mika. Jin then turned off the television and sat next to me.
"Get off of me." I was like a worm trying to get away from Jin but he hold me in place.
"Mika, Yoongi, I'm courting Jisoo now." I swear my eyeballs want to come out from my eyes. What the hell?!
"What did you say?!" all of us look at the door where the voice came from. Now both my older siblings were standing in front of us. Unnie was holding a coffee while my oppa smashed the coffee cup on his hand.
Then I heard Jin clearing his throat harshly.
I will definitely kill a guy right now!
