Stay by my side || Chris Evans

Part 5

CHRIS' POV

I didn't even have the strenght to open my eyes but I heard her. She came to me. I felt her soft hand take mine and her warm lips kiss my forehead. But the thing I felt the most was her presence right next to me, her head pressed on my arm and her sobs, with all her tears on our hands as to wash away some of my pain.

I feel all the tubes in every inch of my body, that keep me alive on the edge of a knife. A little, uncertain move and I'm gone.

I can't talk to her because of all the tubes in my throat, but I want to make sure that she knows that I can feel her. With all the strenght left in my arm I hold her hand and with that move she wakes up, calling my name.

I finally hear again the voice that I love so much.

LILY'S POV

I got woken up by a movement of my hand and when I turn around to look at him I know he's awake.

Slowly, for what seemed ages, he opens his eyes but I don't even recognize them. They are of a deeper shade of blue, they are dark as if they were switched off and they don't shine anymore, thing that hurt me the most.

Looking at him that way filled my eyes again with tears and, as soon I stare deeply into his eyes, I feel them wet my cheeks and fall on my arm, still entwined with his.

I never saw him that torn, he has always been the happiest person on Earth and now, exactly that person, is suffering like a stray dog and I feel useless, because I'm not able to do anything for him. I can't give him strenght, because looking at him makes me feel like I'm a hundred times heavier, and I don't even have that strenght for myself.

I have billions of questions to ask him but now everything is less important. Now the only thing I want is my boyfriend back, as strong as before.

CHRIS' POV

I slowly open my eyes and as soon as she looks at me she starts to cry and I don't want her to, I don't want her to suffer, I don't want to be the reason of her pain.

I try to lift my arm to dry her tears but she stops me right away, giving me a feeble smile, and tells me to not move because I'm still too weak.

I'm trying to smile back at her but in that moment one of the doctors comes into the room and ask for her. He has to talk to her urgently.

LILY'S POV

The doctor rushed into the room. He wants to talk with me about his conditions. I don't want to leave him alone, but the doctor has been telling me that he's still conscious and doesn't want him to hear certain things.

"Mrs. Jones I have some news about Mr. Evans conditions. He is critical right now, he is balanced between life an death. We tried to help him, but his conditions were extremely serious when he arrived to us. The chances of him making it are very low, I'm sorry".

And in that moment, the whole world crushed on my shoulders. The only man I ever loved in my life is going to die.

I start to panic, cry and scream to the poor doctor, who is just doing his job but he stops you as he keeps talking.

"There's just one way we can save him. He needs a heart trasplant".

When I hear that there's still a chance to save him I'm determined as ever to keep him alive. At all costs.

"So? How do we find a giver? We need it as soon as possible please, I beg you".

"We have to make some exams for the compability but yes, we have some givers".

My eyes start to shine again hearing that. I'm about to leave, when the doctor stops me one last time.

"We will try our best to save him, but we need your help. You have to tell him about this. We are sure that if we tell him he will have another heart attack and probably pass away. You can help us by telling him, he will listen to you".

Heart attack. That's what he had. He never told me about that, I knew about his anxiety but he was getting better. He never said anything about this and you promised each other to never keep secrets.

I was so sad, because of all the situation but also because the person I loved the most in the world lied to me, keeping me away from the truth, without giving me the chance of helping him.

Now, there is one big problem. How do I tell him without killing him? I don't have an answer to that question, but I will figure out a way.

CHRIS' POV

She came back in my room after what seemed hours to me, instead, she's been away for just 15 minutes.

When she opens the doors her face is shocked and I know she doesn't have any good news.

She tries to hide her expression by smiling at me, but I think it's more of a pity smile than a true one. She wants to talk, she has something to tell me I know, but she keeps opening and closing her mouth, trying to figure out the best way to tell me what I already suspect.

"I know you can't talk" her voice is already breaking and she tries to cover it by making a fake cough "I know you can't talk, but I want to. When you called me some time ago I already knew that something wasn't alright. You lied to me, and I knew it, but I didn't want to argue, I just wanted you to be okay, and I'd do anything in this world for your well being". Tears are falling off her cheeks at every word she says, and my eyes start to burn too.

I want to cry, but I also want to seem strong, I cannot afford being weak now.

"When the doctors called me and told me that you were in the emergency room it felt like the world crushed. The only person I ever loved in my life wasn't feeling good and kept me away from it. I know you did it for a good reason, you wanted to keep me safe, you didn't want to hurt me but Chris look at me now, does it seem like something changed?"

She points at herself while saying the last few words and, in that moment, I knew I did the biggest bullshit of my entire life. I thought that by not telling her about my problem she would've been safe. Instead, now she discovered everything in the worst way ever, and it's all my fault.

I look at her in the eyes and I think that just my look told her everything that the words couldn't have said. She smiles at me, she forgave me as always. Everytime I did something wrong she always forgave me, she never lied to me or never argued, she just wanted the best for the both of us. She kisses my cheek slowly, and her lips are still wet with her tears but leaves a trail of kisses from my left cheek all over my right cheek. She misses me, she misses us. And I miss her.

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