Stay by my side || Chris Evans

Part 6

LILY'S POV

I try to figure out the best way to tell him, but it isn't that easy. How can I tell him that, if he wants to live, he has to give away his "old" heart? The real problem isn't really the news itself, but the thing that worries me the most are his conditions. Everyday he becomes weaker and, slowly, he isn't even able to keep my hand. I'm afraid that, if I tell him in the wrong moment, I can be the cause of his death.

After the words I told him a couple of days ago, I didn't open the topic anymore. I want him to rest a while, to think about it. I didn't really need an answer, I just needed to confess my feelings to him, I wanted him to know that I felt and shared his pain, and I wouldn't leave him alone. Not this time.

CHRIS' POV

She is always in my room. Night and day. Since she is here she never closed her eyes, she didn't rest for a minute just to keep both of her eyes on me, in case I needed help.

I admire her strenght, I would love to be her right now. She is the bravest person I ever met, and I couldn't desire someone better by my side but she didn't deserve to suffer. I don't really care about myself, I just want her to be okay and if keeping her away from me is the solution, than I will be prepared to take it, even if this means killing me from the inside.

LILY'S POV

"I think it's time for me to tell you what is going on and I will try my best to keep it straight and simple. I don't want to hurt you, neither make you suffer, but you must know because I'm talking about your life, and you must decide for it".

"You will surely remember, some days ago, a doctor came to your room because he wanted to talk to me. He said that, to keep living, you need a heart transplant. The good news is that they already have some givers, they just have to test the compability. Isn't that amazing? They will cure you and then we can go home again on our couch and cuddle with Dodger".

Tears are falling off my cheeks at the thought of us at home. In my words there is much more hope than in my heart but I have to convince the both of us that everything is going to be alright. If I fall, Chris would've fallen behind me, and I can't afford that.

CHRIS' POV

Heart transplant or I would've died. I must say that I didn't have that much of a choice, the options are just two and one of them is absolutely excluded. I wouldn't have got a heart transplant.

I'd rather die than try such a delicate operation just to be here again in some years because that heart doesn't work anymore. I prefer to die instead of suffering and let suffer the person I love the most in world.

If I died, she could've cried for a month or even a year, but then she would've moved on, she would've created a new life, maybe with someone new next to her, someone who may make her happier.

The thought of Lily with someone else makes my heart feel like exploding, and the heartbeat machine is going crazy. I have to calm down, or maybe I could've died before even realizing it.

LILY'S POV

After saying those words to him, he isn't even looking at me in my eyes anymore, he's just looking at the wall and I see his hands starting to close into tight punches. This means nothing good.

After looking at him, the machine that controls his heartbeat starts to go crazy, and it's scaring the shit out of me. He has to calm down, or he could've died within minutes.

I immediately press the emergency button, in hope for the doctors to run as fast as they can. In fact, in a minute they surround him, ordering me to wait outside in order to allow them to calm him down.

I wait outside keeping my head between my hands and I realize that it's so heavy because it's full of thoughts. In my brain start to move around thousands of "what if's". What if he doesn't want to allow the operation, what if the operation goes bad, what if he doesn't make it, what if he becomes too weak and is destinated to pass the rest of his life full of tubes in a bed.

Of course there are no positive thoughts in my mind, I just start to imagine all the worst scenarios that could've happened but all of them keep ending the same way. I die with him.

I die with him not because I'm ill, I die with him because I can't live without him. I can't imagine a life without the man who has been by my side all those years, the man with whom I did all my first experiences, and I desired to do them with no one else but him. Because he's my first and only love. The one I chose to be by my side for the rest of my life.

CHRIS' POV

I'm surrounded by all of these doctors who are trying to save me but the only one that could've actually do this is outside, because these assholes didn't allow her to stay inside.

After what seemed like hours to me, the doctors finally go away, allowing Lily to come back inside. When I see her, with all her hair messed up, the dark circles around her eyes, her pale skin, I'm suffering more because of that, instead of all the tubes put in every inch of my skin.

It hurts me to see her that way, but her view makes me smile and I think she notices it, because she smiles back at me and gives me a kiss on my left cheek. The one she always used to kiss when we were kids.

It's amazing how she remembers everything about us, she never forgot one thing, not even the dumbest, because for her every minute of our love is history.

In that moment, when I've seen her in the time of biggest weakness, I knew I couldn't make it without her. Even if before I said that, if necessary, I was prepared to leave her, well I may sound selfish but I don't care. I can't live without her, and she knows it.

I don't have much strenght but I need to tell her something, I need to let her know that she's an essential part of this journey.

I take a deep breath and I make her a sign with my hand to come closer. She puts her ear right next to my mouth, always paying attention to all the tubes, and it melts my heart to see how caring she is towards me, how she doesn't want to hurt me in any way. In that moment I tell her just four words:

"Stay by my side".

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