Subject 3033...(BWAM, Sci-fi Romance, 18+)

Chapter Twenty One

When we'd finally arrived back home from the labs yester evening, Noe remained unsettlingly quiet, continued to cling to his silentness for long hours. Man appeared to be in deep thought, appeared to be replaying awful happenings of day. When I'd called to him for dinner, man refuted my call. And even when I'd proceeded to go to bed, man still remained by himself -pondering.

It was only later into the night when nightmares startled me awake that I found his side of the bed neat, empty, cold. Man had fallen asleep on the sofa. He seemed to need his space so I did not push or nudge or plunge or wake him, simply draped covers upon his body and let that momentary serenity stay with him. In the morning, man was up, didn't eat nor speak a word to me.

Just painted and painted and even now, he still continues to paint. Yes, he'd told me this, told me that art was and still remains his way of escaping the harsh realities of this new world and his past world as well. And yes, I do sympathize with the man -to have your hand forced into taking the life of another only because it seemed to be the only fitting alternative.

Yet, his quiet excrusiates me. To look upon him, to see that deadness in his eyes and not know what to do to bring him some semblance of peace. And I want to help, goodness I want to help. I want to take that pain he feels and drape it upon my shoulders like a scarf even if it wears me down. I want to take the agony he feels and wear it like a badge if it means only a few minutes of his tranquility. I blink to return back to horrid reality.

I watch as man's brush levitates and levitates and falls, as it glides and glides and blends. Gently, I rest book upon softness of table and lift myself off of seat. I proceed to where he sits -his back towards me- and place a palm upon his shoulders. The muscles there bunch beneath my touch and the man startles a little. His vision finds my own yet I cannot read the expressions of his face. Blank. Nothingness. Nada.

"What do you want, Harlow?"
See, there is a darkness to his tone, a deathly-coldness that leaves me somewhat shook. That and, man has used my first name for the first time since knowing him.
"You've not eaten a thing since last night. I'm a little worried for you, Noe."
"Leave me alone. I'm fine."

Yes, his tone, his words, they feel like a light punch to the gut. Yet, I choose calm over anger. Gradually, he rises upon his feet and towers me completely.
"I'm worried for you, Noe. We can...we can talk about it," I crane my neck to gaze up upon him, cup his face, graze the pad of my thumb lightly upon his cheek.

But he does not seem to register touch nor the tenderness of it.
"Like I said, I'm fine. I just need a little space, a little distance to think."
I stare upon him, just stare, unsure of what I should say.
"Don't wait up. And, one more thing. Whatever we had going on was good, but let's quit it. We'll only end up hurting ourselves."
"You are joking, no?"

My hand moves away from his face and falls at my side. There is a peculiar stinging inside my chest. It seems to be screaming for a release of sorts.
"You are a woman, as beautiful as they come, and I am a man. We've inhabited one home for over ten weeks. So, what happened between us was inevitable."

I cannot believe my ears, cannot wrap my head around the words so effortlessly tumbling past his lips.
"So when you kissed me was it simply because I was a beautiful woman and you, a man?"
Man falls mute, gazes upon me with an ugly deadness in his eyes. And that peculiar stinging blazes and burns at my blood.

My hand moves on its own accord, moves faster than my mind can register. Fist connects to cheekbone and neck snaps to the side at the force of it. Then my brain begins to register my actions and the dread sets in. Still, the anger drives me, it steers me and I glare up at Noe who's face still looks to the side. Slowly, he turns and faces upon me, the blankness still intact upon his facial features.

"How's that for me being a beautiful woman and you, a man? I was so blinded, utterly stupid, so gullible."
My voice is neither loud nor demanding, simply calm, too calm. I push past him and march up the flight of stairs, mounting them two steps at a go. I need to channel all these ugly little emotions into punching something inanimate. Like a punching bag!

Just as I reach for the bedroom chamber doors, soft knocking comes from the front doors downstairs. There is a silent that fleets then the smooth gliding of doors.
"Gillian, how may I help you?"
"Oh, Noe. What's happened to your cheek?"
"Just a bruising. What can I do for you?"

"Oh...I just...I just really needed to speak with you. Noe, you and I have been friends and you've been my captain in the army for so long. I just want to talk. Is that okay with you?"
Seconds fleet into minutes of quiet, then...
"Fine. Come in."
"Thank you, I just..."
I turn the knobs, glide into room, slam doors shut behind me. For a time, I simply stand there thinking.

Goodness, the envy chokes me, it wrings every shred of calm I once held. That is the same woman who'd kissed Noe. Now she's here to patch things up? Then what? Should I be kicked out from Noe's home once they rekindle their friendship? And will Noe begin to treat her as he'd been treating me all this while? With kindness and affection?

She is a beautiful woman, that she is. Will Noe kiss her because she is a beautiful woman? He did kiss me because I was just but a beautiful woman in his eyes. And the anger spears at my heart a third time in a single hour. And in its company is yet another emotion. A strange emotion. Is this the betrayal they speak of? The betrayal I've read of? I have not felt emotions so hefty in a long long while, and now I feel them all at once.

No, now I really cannot be in this place. I drag in one long whiff of the much-needed oxygen, exhale a slow, sharp breathe. I proceed for the drawers, retrieve a large shirt and a pair of shorts lent to me by Tokyo, slap them quickly and tie my hairs frustratedly in a bun. It takes me short minutes to exit the room and proceed down the steps, for the front doors.

The infuriating noise of woman's chuckles tickles my ears and I roll my eyes agitatedly.
"Oh, yes, Noe. You recall that after all these years? How many years has it been, four? Oh, hello there."
Her greetings are the only force I so need to halt dead in my tracks right before the exit doors. I turn and eye the couple.

And Noe is all smiles after successfully ruining my afternoon. As I glower upon man, his gleeful expression begins to fade until it ultimately vanishes from sight. Again, I find myself exhaling a slow purposeful breathe to steady myself.
"Hello yourself and have a wonderful afternoon. If you'll excuse me."
And without another word on my part, I exit the premises...

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