𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

n. riki : leaving tonight (a)

wc : 1.2k

note : i'm so obsessed with this song and the neighbourhood it's not even funny

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you fooled me from the start, when you let me start to love you

"what are you even doing up at this hour?" you groaned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you questioned niki about his sleep habits.

he snorted on the other end of the call. "i'm at your house, that's what. hurry up and get dressed."

"what?!" you aggressively whispered, shooting up into a sitting position. you squinted at the small illuminated numbers of your alarm clock that rested on your nightstand. you whined when you saw the time. "it's two in the morning, riki!"

"yeah! perfect time to go to the park. now hurry up, i won't tell you again. if i have to, i'm throwing rocks at your window," niki said before hanging up.

it's like a bunch of broken picture frames, but the photo still remains the same

you were silent as you walked beside niki, fuming in the grey hoodie you wore. it was unbelievable that niki had disrupted your sleep just to go to the park.

"why won't you talk to me?" niki whined, tugging on your arm in protest. "look, i'm sorry i woke you up, but it was for a good reason."

"and what reason is that?" you snapped, glaring up at the tall boy.

"because, it's our friendaversary!" he said happily, hoping that would calm whatever pent-up irritation you had. it only made you more grumpy.

"that's it?! you couldn't have waited until a decent hour when it was warm and not in the middle of my sleep schedule!" you snapped, throwing your hands up in exasperation. "this is ridiculous."

"this is not ridiculous! you did the exact same thing to me last year, remember?! you woke me up at the crack of dawn by pouring water on me and saying you baptized me; setting me free of all the arguments and fights we've had, supposedly preparing me for another year with you! that's what's ridiculous!" niki exclaimed.

you grinned at the fond memory. "you gotta admit though, that was pretty good."

"was not!"

giggling, you nodded your head. "oh it definitely was."

"you're impossible. but hey! now you're not angry anymore!" niki pointed out.

"nuh uh, i'm still mad. but just less so because i get to spend time with you and look at my crush's cute face," you rambled, not registering what you had said until a moment after. you almost froze, but blinked and told yourself to not draw attention to it. maybe your best friend wouldn't recognize what you said.

an awkward silence arose after you finished the last sentence and you mentally facepalmed.

trying to fix your mistake, you said, "so, uh, what did you want to do once we got to the park?"

"are we just going to pretend like you didn't just say that?" niki deadpanned, making you flinch.

"please," you muttered, eyes trained on the pavement under you. "at least until i'm no longer delusional from lack of sleep."

thought it'd be easier to run, but my legs are broken

you hadn't seen niki in almost five days. after he had walked you back to your house that night in an uncomfortable silence, you've avoided him like the plague. you declined all his calls, ignored his texts, and told your parents not to let him in your house.

with the empty time on your hands, though, you've had a good while to overthink everything you had said and done in his presence.

had you been obvious during the entire time you've known him? what about that one time he teased the living hell out of you for blushing a bright shade of red the first time you had seen him shirtless? or even the time you had basically described him as the unnamed crush he interrogated you about nearly a month ago. god, you couldn't have been stupider.

majority of the time ignoring niki you spent in your room, distracting yourself by cleaning out drawers, organizing your school supplies that had no use since you were on winter break, and even going as far as to rearrange your entire bedroom just for the sake of it.

that led you into where you currently were; on your floor with dozens of pictures scattered around you.

you had found them in a small box under your bed, and as you looked through them, tears started to blur your vision as you moved from the ones of you and your family to the ones with you and niki.

the two of you had met back in elementary school, and you remember the small childish crush you had on him for the longest time. until he told you about the other girl in your class that he liked. his confession made you reduce your feelings into almost nothing. keyword; almost.

they grew again eventually, this time much stronger than before. you noticed that as his voice grew deeper, shoulders wider, and frame taller, you were utterly fucked. you tried so hard to deny the feelings that had returned, but they only grew with time. you hated that he only treated you as a friend, but at the same time, you relished it. after all, it was all you were ever going to get.

it's haunting me, making it harder to breathe

"you aren't supposed to be here," you seethed through clenched teeth, trying to push the boy you were convinced you never wanted to see again out of your room.

niki caught your hands, gripping your wrists tightly as he said, "says who? stop avoiding me."

you glare up at him. "leave."

"no." niki snapped, his features hardening under your stare. "not until you tell me what the hell's going on with you."

"you already know, stop acting like you don't," you fumed, yanking your hands out of his grip. "now get. out."

"no," he repeated before taking a half step closer to you. "now tell me what's wrong. i want to hear it from you instead of the feeling in my gut."

anger starting to boil over, you let out a noise of frustration. "i like you, alright?! i've liked you since we were like eight! is that what you wanted to hear? for me to pour my heart and soul into you?! to tell you the secret i've been trying to hide from everyone, including myself, for the past seven years?!"

niki's face morphed into a look of pity as you finally admitted the truth.

when he didn't say anything, you turned on your heel, going over to your bed and sitting at the end of it, eyes boring into your lap as you blinked rapidly and urged yourself not to cry.

"just...leave. please," you muttered, using a hand to wipe away stray tears that streamed down your face.

and i figure it all to be love, but this isn't lovely

you never saw niki again. not after the day he had stopped by to confirm his suspicions. it was the biggest regret of your life; telling that boy you had feelings for him.

he had left your room in silence, only pausing at your door to look back at you for one last time before he turned and disappeared from your life.

niki hadn't wasted any time when it came to blocking you on absolutely everything, including all your social media. when you had tried to call him later in the evening—you knew you didn't have anything better to say other than to beg for him to stay—it went straight to voicemail, making you slam your phone down in pure desperation.

you had traded your best friend and crush for the truth. and you regretted it wholly.