totally clueless

07

2:06 pm

"You're just now getting done?" I asked as jaden walked into 7th period.

"Oh uh, yeah." He looked at me with a quick smile. He seemed distracted. I looked at ness to see her looking at me with a confused look.

"Hey jae, what's wrong?" I asked him, laying my hand on his back.

"Nothing, I'm just tired." He grabbed his pencil and started drawing.

"There's something wrong. What?" I asked him again. He took a deep breath and sighed.

"Nothing!" He snapped at me. He went back to doing his work. I looked at ness with disbelief.

"What the hell jaden?" She asked him. He looked up at her and rolled his eyes.

"Hey." I touched his arm slightly. He grabbed my wrist and held it in his hand.

"Stop Sam. I'm not in the mood." He dropped my wrist and went back to drawing.

"Ness, I'm leaving. I'll see at martins later tonight." I grabbed my bag and swung it around my shoulder.

"Mr. Ashten, may I go to the bathroom?" I asked the art teacher.

"Yes Samantha. You may leave." He went back to reading his magazine and sleeping. I rolled my eyes and walked to the art door. I looked back to see jaden still looking down.

I sighed and walked out. I walked down the halls and to the door that me and jaden always sneak out of. I walked to my car and got in. I put the key into ignition and started the car.

"UGH!" I slammed my hand down on the wheel, making the horn go off. I quickly pulled it away and slumped in my seat.

Why?! Why is he mad at me? I did nothing to him! Maybe it's about the jerking off thing. Or maybe it's about telling Dixie and ness about it. But he was gone with the boys. Maybe someone said something about me to them. I don't know. I just want to go home.

I pulled out of the parking lot and drove home. I pulled into the driveway to see Kevin's car gone. I smiled and got out. I left my bag in the car and locked it. I walked up to the steps and in the house. I closed the door behind me and ran up the stairs, skipping one every time.

I walked into my room and kicked off my shoes. I got undressed and put on Jaden's hoodie and a pair of sleep shorts. I walked over to the side of my bed and laid down on it.

"Why?" I asked myself. I grabbed my phone off of my nightstand and went to Spotify. I pressed on 'J&S<3' and it played. It was our playlist.

I laid back and grabbed my blanket, pulling it over my legs. I grabbed a pillow and stuck it between my upper thighs. I grabbed another pillow of mine and laid on it like I would on jaden.

I closed my eyes as I let out a sigh. I listened to the music.

There's always that one person who will always have your heart
You'll never see it coming cause you're blinded from the start
That you're the one for me, it's clear for everyone to see
Oh baby oh!

I sang along, feeling the tears coming. I could feel the heartache. Jaden was always there to comfort me during times like this. But this time, he was the one who hurt me.

11:09 pm

I woke up to the sound of the front door closing. I jumped out of bed and grabbed my softball bat from 6th grade. I slowly walked down the stairs, holding the bat back. I creeped around the stairs to see jaden sneaking in.

"Ugh." I turned my back and walked back upstairs. I put the bat back into my closet and laid back down. I closed my eyes for a minute until I heard jaden walking down the hallway. I tried fighting the urge to get up and confront him but I just couldn't.

I got up and opened my door. I walked down the hallway with a stomp and stopped infront of Jaden's door. I knocked on it and waited for a minute till he opened it. It revealed him in his boxers.

"What the hell Sam? What are you still doing up?" He asked me.

"I could say the same for you!" I walked into his room, pushing past him.

"What are you doing?" He asked me.

"I'm wanting to know what's up with you." I sat down on his bed.

"Nothing's wrong with me." He looked the other way as he sat down on his desk chair.

"I didn't say wrong. I said what. What is up with you Jaden? You snapped at me in art for no reason and then you come home at 11!" I looked at him with a concerning face. He looked down the whole time, fiddling with his fingers.

"I have a girlfriend okay!" I was taken back. I looked down and got up.

"Okay. I was just worried about you." I walked to his door.

"Good night jae."

"Night Sam." I turned the other way and walked out. I walked down the hall, back to my room. I fought the urge to cry. I fought the urge to punch him. I fought every single urge in me. I laid down in my bed and cuddled up next to my pillow.

My bed felt empty. I felt empty. It's like jaden left me forever. Now I know how he felt when I got a boyfriend.

4:03 am - Wednesday

I woke up to sweat dripping down my forehead, my body cold yet me feeling hot. I looked around my room to see it spinning. I got out from under my blanket and ran to the bathroom. I kneeled down to the toilet and felt the food I ate at lunch come up my throat.

My hair dangled around the toilet bowl, my lips covered in throw up. I grabbed a hand towel and wiped my face. I got up and flushed the toilet. I didn't care what time it was. I got undressed and started the shower. I got in and felt the warm water on my chest. I opened my mouth, letting the water get into my mouth. I swished it around in my mouth and spit it out, getting the puke out. I grabbed my body wash and poured it onto the scrunch. I washed my body and rinsed off the soap.

I felt myself getting nauseous so I kneeled down in the tub. I laid down and let the water hit my lower stomach. I closed my eyes, relaxing my shoulders.

"Jaden." I whispered. I wanted him with me. I needed him with me. I wanted him to come in here and tell me it's going to be okay. I listened to the water as it hit my skin. It hurt but it felt good.

"I need you." I whispered. I looked around the shower walls. I felt them getting tighter. Them squeezing me. I felt them touching every inch of me. My body being squashed between two walls.

"JADEN!" I screamed with what I could. I tried getting out of the tub but it was no use. My muscles weren't working and my voice was going out.

"Jaden!" I yelled. I felt smaller and smaller, voices creeping up on me.

"Sam?!" I heard Jaden's voice.

"Jaden." I spoke. I tried making noise by banging on the wall.

"Sam!" I saw him running towards the shower. He pulled the curtains back and looked at me. He picked me up out of the tub and onto the shower floor.

"Sam, please." He pulled me into his arms.

"Ja-jaden." I whispered. He looked at me, whipping the hair out of my face.

"Yes? Sam, yes?" His voice sounded like there were tears.

"P-please. Please don't leave me." I cried. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my cheek, my neck, my jaw.

"I won't. Trust me Sam, I won't." He cried. He laid on the bathroom floor, holding me in his arms. I slowly started to feel my breath coming back to me. I felt his love. I felt how much he loves me.

"I love you Sam. Please, I promise I won't leave you." He kissed my forehead and hugged me. He didn't care that I was naked. He didn't look. He just looked at me in the eyes.

"I love you too jaden." I whispered.