AVENGERS / CAST IMAGINES

AVENGERS | BRUTAL

Warnings: Mentions of mature abuse, cursing, and being a person who everyone hates.

I want it to be, like, messy

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If I was a murderer, I'd have blood splattered everywhere. I'd have my initials written with my blood as my signature logo.

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I'm so insecure, I think
That I'll die before I drink

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I have always been insecure of my body. I always wanna drink, but I'm an underage person. So, I guess I'll just have to die, because I can't wait that that long.

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And I'm so caught up in the news
Of who likes me and who hates you

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As someone who Captain America knows, I have to watch the news with him. Some people swoon over my skills, and some people are jealous and end up hating me. I hate the news for a reason.

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And I'm so tired that I might
Quit my job, start a new life

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Yeah sure, being an Avenger is pretty cool right? Well I'm tired of it. I'm sick of all the training. They keep telling me that I'm full of mistakes and I don't listen. The thing is, I do listen. They just have to train me and treat me better. One day, I might just leave a note saying that I quit, then run away.

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And they'd all be so disappointed
'Cause who am I, if not exploited?

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Of course they'd be disappointed. They think that they taught me well. Who am I, if I didn't agree for them to use me?

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And I'm so sick of 17
Where's my fucking teenage dream?
If someone tells me one more time
"Enjoy your youth, " I'm gonna cry

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I'm so sick of 17. I want my fucking teenage dream and have a normal life. Some people tell me to cherish my childhood, but no. I don't want to. I was literally abused and mistreated. I was starved, tortured, and used as a fucking sex toy.

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And I don't stick up for myself
I'm anxious and nothing can help
And I wish I'd done this before
And I wish people liked me more

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I've never stuck up for myself. I'm always anxious and I feel excited when I thought about punching their fucking life out of them. I wish I did that, because maybe people would've liked me more and they wouldn't view me as some weak person who doesn't know how to defend themselves in any kind of situation.

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All I did was try my best
This the kind of thanks I get?
Unrelentlessly upset

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I tried my best to be enough for them and the world, saved people countless times. But all they do is point out my mistakes, instead of looking at the positive side and encouraging me to improve.

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They say these are the golden years
But I wish I could disappear
Ego crush is so severe
God, it's brutal out here

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Cap said that these years are golden, but instead, it's full of bullshit. These aren't golden, because all I wanna do is turn myself into dust and float away from all this fucking shit. I feel, disgusting. I feel like I'm the worse version of everyone. It's brutal out here.

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I feel like no one wants me
And I hate the way I'm perceived
I only have two real friends

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Judging by the way people act around me, it feels like they just wanna leave and never talk to me again. I hate the way I'm known, because people look at me like I'm some crazy shit who got lucky and joined the Avengers. And in my 1 year as a part of the team, the only friends I have trusted and helped me are Nat, and Wanda.

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And lately, I'm a nervous wreck
'Cause I love people I don't like
And I hate every song I write
And I'm not cool and I'm not smart
And I can't even parallel park

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Every time I'm around Loki, I feel like I'm about to burst because of nervousness. I've been trying to convince myself that he's a bad guy, I just end up loving him more. And every single text I've written about my feelings, I hate it, because I feel like no one cares besides Nat and Wanda. I've never earned the 'cool title', and I'm not a genius like Bruce or Tony either. I can't even park the Quinjet properly.

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All I did was try my best
This the kind of thanks I get?
Unrelentlessly upset

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When Tony and Bruce asked for help for their science thingy, I did my best to follow their research and continue it. And when they came back, all they said was that it was good, but not good enough for them. I went to my room, upset and tried not to scream at the wall. But, I had another coping mechanism. And that coping mechanism, was blasting my guitar on full volume, playing 'ZITTI E BUONI'.

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They say these are the golden years
But I wish I could disappear
Ego crush is so severe
God, it's brutal out here

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Golden years huh?, well, I think it's full of shit. These 'golden years', were spent being discouraged by your own family. It was spent being sexually abused and raped while there's nothing you can do about it. I was the worst member on the team, that they even thought about kicking me out. And because of Nat and Wanda, I'm still on the team. I don't know if I'm grateful or not, because it hurts here.

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Yeah! Just having a really good time

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Mmm, trust me. I'm having fun here, being mentally and verbally abused.

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Got a broken ego, broken heart And God, I don't even know where to start

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Lost my ego, burned my heart. I don't even know where to start to tell you about the torture my mind and heart has gone through. So, I ran away. Only leaving a note to my two friends, telling them to not tell anyone where I went, and that they could visit me, just not with the team with them. Cause all they're gonna do, is tell me that I shouldn't have ran away and could've told them what I was feeling, but to be honest, they haven't listened to me at all.