Survivors

Chapter 42: Conversations

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"So this is new." Jess told her, hoping to break the ice Kara seemed to have around her. "I never dreamed you would be comfortable enough to have a session in a DEO headquarters, especially the ultra secret, high security, desert compound. You doing okay?"

Kara nodded her head.

"Kara? You said you wanted to talk. Talk to me? Are you upset because you had to kill that thing?"

Kara shook her head. She had not said much since her and Alex landed in the desert, followed by the retrieval team bringing in the body and Connolly's men and the girls parents an hour afterward. Eliza had brought her and Alex clothes to change into. Apparently Kara's sweat shirt practically disintegrated due to being near the heat she was emitting from her eyes. Now dressed in one of her standard plain white tees and light stone washed jeans. Jess knew Eliza brought that outfit on purpose.

"I..." the girl tried and stopped.

"Is it just everything? So much happening at once? I realize this has got to put a tremendous amount of pressure on you."

Kara shrugged her shoulders.

Ryan took a deep breath and jumped in.

"It's the phone right?"

The blonde finally nodded her head in agreement. "When Jo...Director Henshaw gets here, Vivian and somebody named Vasquez are going to try and trace the call. Kelex is as well on my end. But I am going to have to talk to one of them, keep one of them on the phone for at least a minute or so. Thats how long it usually takes in the movies. I'm going to hear her voice...or his. I don't know which is worse. But...I heard my mother's voice but it was a recording. I knew she was dead, I have accepted that for a long time. Astra is still alive. This won't be a recording I can turn off if it gets too much."

"And you are scared, afraid you can't handle it? That is understandable."

"But I have to do it."

"No, you don't."

"If I can't talk to her Jess, how am I ever going to fight her? Either of them?"

"Maybe you aren't ready yet. Maybe you hold off the others while the DEO engages her. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You have never understood that. You owe this world nothing."

Kara smiled a bit but looked at the floor, stretching her legs out from the chair and crossing her arms over her chest.

"No one else can. It has to be me."

"It has to be you to fight your Aunt and Uncle? You truly believe that?"

"I don't know if there is a god, multiple gods, a sun god, a spiritual plane or absolute darkness, nothingness, when we die. I do know that when Astra dies, I have to be the one to send her there. It is what she would want in a weird way. I also want to be the one to kill Non. I've been scared my whole life it seems. Scared of not meeting my parents expectations, scared of not being perfect, scared of Non. Since I arrived here I have been scared of Clark dying in the wild, both of us starving to death, scared of the animals of this planet, scared of Hank Henshaw, scared of Non and Astra again, scared of all the monsters that I brought to this planet. I have been scared of seeing another woman's face when she realized her and her baby are going to die. I am scared of losing anyone I love, scared of being a disappointment, scared of letting them all down. I am scared of being abandoned even though that makes no sense."

"There is nothing wrong with that, Kara. Being scared does not make you a coward."

"I know. But Non, he is one thing I can deal with. He is one thing I am scared of that I can actually beat, actually do something about. I can make him no more. For once, fear wouldn't rule me. For once I could put an end to it myself."