Lucky

It's NOT a Crush

It began with prolonged glances.

During lesson, while eating food, or just spending time with the four of them, Remus' eyes would always stray a little too long to where James was. His eyes would linger but that was all it was at the beginning. Remus felt no alarm bells ringing off and it didn't seem wrong or strange. Not then at least.

Then the glances changed to him subconsciously seeking James out.

It was as if there was an internal compass inside of Remus that without a fail directed his eyes to that messy head of black hair in a crowded corridor, the great hall, or even in the Library when James was feeling particularly motivated to create a beautiful prank along with Sirius. Remus would always be able to pick up where James was with little to no problem.

But those glances and subconscious searching sparked a tiny feeling in his heart.

At first Remus reckoned that this feeling was one of fondness for his friends. So he ignored it.

But that didn't stop them from gradually growing the more time he spent with James until it was too late and Remus could do nothing to stop the snowball of emotions that had formed, twisting his insides and turning his tongue to lead whenever he was near James. He suddenly blushed more, his hands sweated and his heart beat increased whenever James was near. This near constant state of awareness that he had around James was stressing, particularly when others around him stared noticing his odd behaviour.

It took Remus nearly half a year to finally come to the scary conclusion that he had a crush on James.

His first course of action, after staring blankly at the fire once his young hormonal brain decided to implode on itself after he had come to the realization of his feelings, was to freak out about how in the name of bloody Merlin he had developed feelings on one of his best friends. His overheating brain quickly wired together an approximate time were these – feelings could have developed from; he suspected with dread that they had developed after it had been revealed that Remus was a werewolf and instead of pushing him away and cease being friends anymore James had accepted him, had hugged him tightly and had promised never to leave because they were friends and had then gone ahead and proceeded to blow twelve year old Remus' brain away with his utterly insane plan of helping him with his transformations on full moons by becoming Animagus. Really, he should have seen it coming.

Developing feelings for the person who offered him friendship and accepted the fact that Remus was a werewolf without so much of a flinch or flicker of fear in his eyes should have been so obvious.

It made sense for Remus to start feeling something for James. Actually, lots of people liked James.

But Remus wasn't a complete idiot. Where he had missed the signs and warnings about his own feelings in regard to James, Remus knew that James had certain feelings for a certain witch named Lily Evans.

The slight glances, the biting of his lip, the showing off and that shy lopsided smile he gave to the red head were all clear indicators that James fancied Lily.

So Remus did the next logical thing his brain came up with and proceed to bury his feelings for James away. First off, he knew, with a hint of bitterness that had utterly no business of being there, that James liked Lily. Second off, Remus' friendship with James meant so much more than having his hopeless feelings returned. He would never risk destroying this precious friendship he shared with his friends. His less than platonic feelings for James had no place in their closely knit friendship and Remus liked it that way.

So his feeling were pushed aside with ease as the planning and execution of their pranks, attending detention, increased amount of school work they needed to complete now that they were in third year, and watching James chase Lily helped to serve as a distraction.