𝟠𝕥𝕙 𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕗 𝔹𝕋𝕊

Hate pt.2

'Taehyung I would need you to grab onto hoseok's waist when you turn', you said flipping through the notepad

'The official choreography team wants more flashy moments this time. More bold', you muttered tiredly, looking up at the 7 men standing in front of you in the dance studio

'Alright then let's begin', you turned around to face the mirrored walls, stumbling a bit

They all took a step towards you in unison with a worried expression

'Sorry, just spacing out', you said shaking your hands in reassurance
____________

Your head leaned forward as a soft snore escaped your lips, your neck snapped back up and your eyes opened. Knowing well you couldn't afford to sleep now

Your stylist leaned at your eye level and looked at your face

'Y/n shi, have you been losing weight?', she asked tilting your
chin up to examine your skinny face which had lost its glow

'I don't think so', you replied flatly

She stayed silent for a few seconds then said firmly, 'You have been losing weight. You have got dark circles and your skin is dry...'

'Can we talk about this later? We really are in a hurry', you urged, wanting to break her concentration

'Oh ya sorry, I'll hurry', she smiled and looked away

You internally left a sigh of relief

________

You sat on your studio's floor, the cool tiles sending a chill up your spine. You leaned your head on your table, bringing your knees to your chest, your hand on your knees

Come on get the fuck up, I can't be loosing time like this

You groaned, getting slightly annoyed when your body refused to cooperate and laid limp

Your body was acting up now, you were too careless to notice how much you had worked yourself up, staying up and pulling all nighters to get things done on time. It was bound to affect your health

Stupid motherfucking son of a bitch

You kicked the chair violently, toppling it over

'One job', You whispered to yourself, getting up. 'One job I have is to get everything done on time and i cant even do that'

You kneed the table angrily, your jaw clenching

Why can't I do anything?

You ran your hand through your hair in frustration, tears forming in your brims 

Stop acting like a kid

You took a deep breath, leaning on your table. There was a knock on your door and your eyes shot open. Whipping your head to the direction of the door, you saw namjoon peeking his head in.

'I heard something falling... are you ok?'

His studio was right opposite yours

'ofcourse haha, the- the chair just fell off.. ya..', You laughed nervously fiddling with your fingers and not meeting his gaze

You heard the door close and his footsteps approached you, you didn't have the courage to look at him in the eye but he firmly held your chin and tilted your head up

It was like a wave of warmth which washed over you when you looked into his honey brown irises

'What is it baby? What's bothering you?', he asked softly

'...nothing is'

___________

You watched the red drops fall into the sink, getting swept away by the water

Tears flowed down your face, partly on how pitiful your life had become that you were back to doing what you did 5 years ago.

And partly, seeing yourself vulnerable and weak all over again

There was so much stress, so much frustration, so much tiredness and it was becoming hard to handle. You wanted to talk to someone, but knowing that everyone you know was already busy and going through their own stress, you didn't. 

Your grip on the blade tightened, the sharpness cutting through your palm. You let go of the blade and covered your face, sobbing in your palms,  staining your face with blood.

You slid down the wall, knees to your chest as you muffled your sobs. You silenced your sobs, your body trembling with anger.

So fucking weak

You kicked the dustbin in anger, making it topple over. You got up, leaning your body on the sink, your body shaking violently

So fucking vulnerable

You aggressively swept your hand from over the sink, the bottles on the counter top smashing on the walls. Your body trembled, half of you trying to still control yourself

You looked up, meeting your blood-tear stained face in the mirror

SO FUCKING UGLY

You smashed the mirror with your bare fist, the mirror shattering into pieces and littering the floor. An echo rang through the bathroom

You fell on your knees in the littered bathroom floor, crying hysterically, not bothering to keep it down anymore. you had reached your breaking point. nothing mattered anymore. not the glass shards digging into your skin, not the blood pulsing. 

'Y/n?!', jungkook called out, pounding on the door

'GET LOST JUNGKOOK', you snapped, your voice hoarse

'OPEN THE DOOR GODDAMN IT', he groaned in frustration, the door not giving in to his violent pushes

Your eyes fell on your phone which was unlocked, the screen displayed thousands of hate comment saying harsh words

What if they were better off without me?

you threw your phone against the wall. A cracking sound and it fell on the littered floor 

You finally noticed that everything had gone silent outside. Your heart ached, thinking he really did leave you

Maybe they were better off without me-

Your thoughts were cut out when a ear splitting bang echoed through the bathroom

You flinched and cowered more towards the corner, overwhelmed with fear and your thoughts

I'm so sorry you have to see me in this disgusting state

They are going to stop loving me

I'm going to go back to being lonely

It's over
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