Unbreak My Heart

Kabanata 6

Kabanata 6
aftermath

"Mahal mo na?" Tanong ko kay Sari kasi simula nung bumalik kami after the Christmas and New Year Break ay wala na siyang ibang bukam-bibig kundi yung lalaking naka-match nya sa Bumble. Kausap nya raw kahit nag-papaputok sila ng fireworks.

"Tanga, syempre hindi pa." Tawa nito. Iniabot ko sa kanya ang hinihiram nyang hard drive sa akin.

"Paano si Drew?" 

Tinaasan lamang ako nito ng kilay. Parang nag-away yata ang dalawa.

Napailing na lang ako dahil panigurado ay ako nanaman ang mahihirapan. It's hard for our team when Drew and Sari are fighting, hindi talaga sila nag-uusap. They're both Leo kasi. Kaya ayun, dahil parehas mataas ang pride, wala talagang mag-ssorry.

The only person who can force them to make up is Noah, and until now, he's still on leave, according to Drew. Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa sarili tuwing naaalala ko lahat ng nangyari sa amin ni Noah. I understand that he's got a lot of things on his place right now.

I can't believe how self-centered I was that day he left dahil nagawa ko pang mainis kay Noah.  It turns out the reason why he rushed to fly to California without even telling me is that his Lolo suffered a terrible stroke and was in a coma daw.  Why would he even tell me, right?

With his grandfather basically on his last days, he probably has no time to even think about me. Pero ang akin lang, he could at least reply to me. Kasi pag kila Drew, he's answering.

But with me, not even once.  Kahit nung minessage ko siya para batiin ng Merry Christmas ay hindi rin binasa ang message ko.

I sighed.  But I settled myself with the idea na hindi talaga kami makakapag-usap na. At kailangan ko na lang talaga kalimutan lahat ng nangyari. He probably forgot it too, baka nga wala lang talaga iyon sa kanya. . Maybe sometimes not having the closure is the closure.

Plus, I already said my sorry to Jesus; I mean, I confessed. During the Holidays, I spent my days repenting for the mistake we made. Ang gulo, pero nag-apologize na talaga ako.

I'm actually revirginizing, if you know that thing. Not literally naman pero. I made another promise not to make the same mistake again. I promised, again. I may have broken my promise before, but my Lord is a forgiving Lord.

And I like to tell myself that I've learned my lesson after everything.

Yes, I still don't forget how good it felt that night with Noah. It was good while it lasted. But everything after that was just heartbreaking. For weeks, I couldn't even go to the church. I'm feeling all sorts of anxiety. I felt like I degraded myself into nothing. You ever felt like that?

But honestly, the Lord is really merciful. Alam niyo yun? It's so hard to explain, but the Lord's mercy is something else.  I'm still at my lowest now, but I'm so determined to be a better person.

I'm determined to avoid any circumstances where I'll break my promise.

And maybe, it's a good thing Noah's away. 

Because without him, I can think clearly. Without him, I am the Maria I was supposed to be.

"Kailan ba kasi uuwi yun si Noah? May binabahay tuloy yun si Andrew sa unit nila." Inis na tanong ni Sari. Tinawanan ko na lang ito.