Pathos [Gay/BL]

Chapter XIII

CHAPTER XIII: Christmas Eve

Trigger warning: eating disorders

Shad took me straight to his car when, between angsty wailings, I told him the situation. My eyes wouldn't leave the screen of my phone, where Stella's texts shone in the dark. Shad hadn't opened his mouth but he seemed kind of concerned, maybe because of Amy, maybe because of what had almost happened between us. Stella didn't want to tell me what had happened until I was there so I could see the whole situation and didn't freak out in 'my boyfriend's car'. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, she's probably fine," Shad finally said, his voice kinda shaky. It was really weird to catch Shad with a lack of confidence.

"I hope so..." I sighed.

"So, um..." he started, swallowed and cleared his throat. I looked over to him. "What was happening... We don't have to talk about that if you..."

"It's fine, Shad," I said, truthfully. He looked at me for a second with a scowl.

"Really? I thought you wouldn't like to talk about it."

"It's fine," I repeated and he sighed with relief.

"So... Would you have continued? If we hadn't been... you know... interrupted?"

I looked through the window. I knew the question was coming and I knew the answer. But did I want to answer? I looked over to him again and laughed gently.

"Yes, I would have continued," I said softly. "I wanted it to happen at the moment."

"'At the moment'? Does that mean that...?"

"I don't know, Shad. I wanna see Amy now, I don't want to think about this," I answered as kindly as I could.

"Yeah, okay, got it."

The rest of the ride was silent, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Shad tried hard to make everything smooth, carefree. He payed attention to my well-being, he was aware of my limits and respected them. But even with all of that, I could only think that he tried too much. He was aware of my limits, yes, but was he aware of his own? Was he really that confident or was all of it just a mask to hide a naive, scared and attached boy?

Amy was in a white bed, with a blue hospital chemise and her eyes open, talking to Stella. When I came in, I was confused. She looked completely normal, talking animatedly with Stel and her face lit up. Her smile faded when I joined them frowning and a veil of shame covered her eyes. I looked helplessly to Stella, as if I was asking for explanations.

"Noah, I think you should sit down," Stella said with a serious tone. I obeyed without complaint.

"What's happened? Are you okay?" I asked concerned.

"I am, don't worry. It was nothing," Amy explained. Her voice was raspy and low.

"Girl..." Stella warned.

"Okay, okay. It was something," she confessed.

"Can y'all stop the bullshit and tell me what's happened? I'm kinda concerned," I snapped more angrily than I wanted. Amy closed her eyes and sighed with disdain.

"I have an eating disorder, Noah," she confessed, avoiding my gaze. I opened my mouth and looked over to Stella, whose eyes were deeply sad.

"W-what? But... How...? Why...?"

"I know, I'm sorry. I've been trying to hide it for a while now. But I can't do it anymore," she exhaled helplessly.

"Who...? Does your mom know?" I asked carefully. She shook her head.