Heavy Heart | Bucky x Steve

Chapter 4: A Second Chance

'I guess we're near the end of the story of your "truly miserable love life".' When Bucky gives him an annoyed look, Sam says: 'Hey, don't come at me, I'm just quoting!'

'Miserable is good wording, I suppose. It is very miserable to reunite with the person you love and get dusted before you even get a chance to talk beyond formalities and war strategy. And then you return, straight to battle, and the person you wanted to catch up with suddenly has five more years of things to talk about while you feel left behind.

'Sometimes I think the universe was purposefully pulling us apart but then I wonder why we kept finding each other again and again, and why Steve never turned against me.'

'If it's Steve Rogers against the Universe, I think you'd be surprised about who comes out strongest,' Sam laughs.

Bucky smiles, agreeing wholeheartedly with that and enjoying the image of Steve that has popped into his head. There have been many debates on who is the one and only strongest Avenger and to Bucky, there will only ever be one correct answer. 'Well, the universe couldn't stop him from restarting his whole life, that's for sure.'

Sam smiles grimly at that remark. 'When he got back-' Bucky already regrets the direction the conversation is going in but lets Sam continue. 'Why didn't you go up to him? I always wondered.'

'Imagine if the love of your life disappears and comes back, having lived a life you were no longer a part of ... with someone else. The minute I saw him I could imagine every little thing that had happened: he had found Peggy, and they finally had that damned dance, and they got married, maybe had kids, even. He got old with her, like, physically old, and after a while, he finds himself forgetting my face, my name. I don't think I could face the Steve I didn't know. I don't think I could have handled that again. At least not right away.'

'I- I don't think he ever forgot your name, nor your face,' Sam attempts to reassure him but his stuttering reveals his own doubt.

Clearly, he hadn't forgotten them entirely because why else would he show up at the right spot at the right time? However, the idea that sometimes, maybe at his wedding, or the birth of a child of his, his mind didn't instantly go to his best pal, his Bucky, hurts more than he could ever put into words. So pushing away his own thoughts, he says: 'Maybe, maybe not. Either way, we had talked, you know, before he left and came back all grey and wrinkly.'

Sam raises an eyebrow, expecting they had "talked" when he wasn't around. 'Go on.'

Bucky sinks in his seat a little once more, the memory being both embarrassing and fond to him. 'We were talking about the good old days, being old men and all.' He chuckles. 'And we got talking about unpursued relationships and lost chances.'

'Mm-hmm,' Sam utters, understanding the conversation is about to take another turn he should see coming but doesn't.

'And so,' Bucky starts again. 'I kissed him.'

'Oh,' Sam's eyes widen, clearly not having expected that. Then, unable to let it go and hoping it isn't totally inappropriate, he asks: 'Did you kiss him hard again?'

'Fuck off,' Bucky smiles faintly. 'Next time you say something embarrassing, I'll make sure to accidentally let Sarah know.'

'You wouldn't dare.'

'Try me.'

Sam shrugs. 'As much as I'd love to start a bet with you, I'm dying to know what the hell happened next. Don't leave me hanging here.'

'Your choice. Anyway, that kiss was a very clear misunderstanding on my part. I don't even know why or how I thought he was talking about me, especially looking back. I couldn't help but wonder, I still do, if maybe that had been the final straw to go back.