Denial and Acceptance

Chapter 30

He said nothing to me the entire way home. Well, he doesn't usually talk to me on the bike, cause it's too loud. But still. The pressure I felt from his back was overwhelming. We couldn't get home any sooner. I need to apologize... But I already did.. at least I think I did. I need to again. No, don't annoy him. But then what should I do. What can I do? I can't tell him now after I insulted his sexuality. God, I need a drink.

"we're here," he stated blankly; he didn't turn to me as he got off his bike. Neither did I really; my heart only ached when I did. I waited a few seconds after I heard the door close to get off the bike, making sure to prop the bike upright. The last thing I needed to do right now is drop his bike.

As I walked to the house, I felt sick. He's in there, maybe even complaining to Yuuri about me. I know he loves asking the pig for advice, as I turned the handle it was heavy it felt like it took twice the effort to turn. The door creaked open, how can I face him? Forget it; your friendship is over. No, he wouldn't end a friendship over something so silly. I really need a drink; everything is easier with a drink, I thought to myself as I inched down the hall.

He's in here. Somewhere. All I could hope was to not run into him from here to my room. But if I don't, then where else could he be. I made it to the end of the hall. I could see the fridge from across the living room, in the master bedroom, muffled noises. He was in there. I felt my heart beat faster as I realized I was already to the fridge, I open the door, a full bottle of wine, that should do it. I snatched the bottle and bolted as turned the corner to the stairs I heard the master bedroom door open. I made it.

As I sat on the bed, I realized something important, I didn't bring a glass with me. I'm not going back out and risking coming face to face with him. I can't face him. Maybe I'll feel better when I wake up... As I unscrewed the cap, I saw the time at 2 pm. It's so much earlier than I, though. I looked at the bottle, why does it feel like I'm making a mistake? Maybe I should apologize. Like he wants to talk to me. God, i'm repeating myself I'm just going to do it. I drink a glass every night; this is no different. I tilted the bottle and took a gulp, it was cold, who puts red wine in the fridge anyway that's dumb. Within a few minutes, I felt the familiar layer of fogginess start to settle. Like my mind was finally going at ease.

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Hours passed after they returned. I could tell something happened, I hadn't even seen Yuri since they returned.

"Still haven't spoken to him?" I ask

"He hasn't even said sorry... I could understand if it slipped out. but I'd at least like to hear sorry."

"If your so concerned you should ask-"

"I shouldn't have to ask for him to say sorry!" Otabek replied not even letting me finish

"You're not wrong.. but-"

"But I should still talk to him, yeah whatever... I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"Heh, maybe you and Yuri aren't as different as I thought."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"You sound just like him. You know how he's known to lash out in anger."

"I- No, you're right, I should leave being angry at nothing to him. But this isn't anything. You know that."

"Well, Of course, it's not, nothing. But tell me? how did Yuri react when you said something?"

"Idk, but he kept making excuses, like 'You know I didn't mean it that way. It's like he doesn't think he did anything wrong."

"If Yuri didn't think he did anything wrong, he probably would have yelled at you for implying he did something."

"You're not wrong, but- Yuri's always shown more restraint with me. he doesn't really yell at me like he does you and victor."

"Ever wonder why that is?"

"No.. I've never thought much about it."

"Yuri doesn't seem to care if he hurt me and Vic's feelings, so he says or yells whatever he's thinking, yet he's never done so with you, don't you typically vent to your best friend? since typically they can take it?"

I mean, Yea, I guess. But I figured Yuri just yells at things that annoys him. That's a habit he should really break... that's how his comment today slipped out."

"Maybe you should tell him that. He listens to you, you know. If I told him that he'd yell that I need to mind my own business.

"Yea," Beka Giggled, "You're probably right, but still... I'll talk to him tomorrow. I'm still mad at him."

"Just remember. Communication is everything in a relationship, whether it's romantic or not."