Racing for Keeps

Chapter 15

Shawn's POV

James and Becca's wedding was amazing. I'm glad it went off without a hitch, and I've had my first successful event as a co-owner. As tired as I am from this day, I can't help but feel the need to stay awake as Camila sleeps peacefully in my arms on the way back to the hospital. She did so amazing today; she is amazing. It felt like a new life had been energized in her as I watched her laugh, dance a little and sing a lot with her family and friends. She's been through so much since we've been together; it was nice to see a worry free Camila enjoying herself as much as she could.

Before we left Sara and Cez talked with us for a long time before Cez pulled me aside to hand me the one thing that's been burning a hole in my suit jacket. I know now is not the right time and I promised James I would wait until they got back from their honeymoon; but just the thought of proposing to Camila and giving her my last name brings tears to my eyes. I've effectively gone from playboy hot shot IndyCar driver to "the boy" for the one woman I've loved nearly all my life. It still amazes me how this has all worked out. A part of me never thought it would be possible. An even bigger part of me is glad that it has. I love Camila so much.

The day James and I got pulled into her therapy session a couple weeks ago where Camila admitted she's been having thoughts of hurting herself I lost it. I waited until I was alone but broke down completely. Just the thought of being without her, of her taking her own life because she thought it would be easier on everyone.... I couldn't even imagine it. I questioned whether she knew how much I loved her, how much her family and her friends loved her. It just didn't seem real that we would've ever gotten to this point. After I had my feelings about it, I vowed that I'd do whatever it took to make her see that we are doing what we are for her because we love her. None of this is an inconvenience for anyone.

In the days before the wedding I was with her practically all the time. I'd luckily convinced her doctors to let me stay with her overnight and every night since, she slept in the comfort of my arms. I'd practically moved myself out of the house we're renting and into Mila's room.

Of course, when either of us needed space, I would go back to the house or explore the city around us until we were ready to be together again. It kills me that tonight was the first night she was allowed out of the hospital and that I have to bring her back there.

I feel her move slightly in my arms as we get closer to the hospital; it's almost like she can sense we're getting closer. She shifts even more until I look down and am met with her beautiful brown eyes looking up at me.

"Hi baby" I say with a small smile as I shift us so she's sitting on my lap with her arms around my neck. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired, but happy. I just don't want to go back yet. Do we have to Shawn?... I, I just want to enjoy this freedom a little longer. Please" she begs, her tired eyes glisten with tears as she snuggles her head into my neck. Her lips finding the place just below Adam's apple. Her sweet breath nearly intoxicates me as I feel her sigh in what I can only assume is sadness for having to go back to her hospital room tonight. I want nothing more than to whisk her away to sleep in a fancy hotel or even the house tonight, but I don't want to risk it. She's still too fragile.

Letting out a sigh of my own, I gently cup her face so she'll look at me and try to find a way to let her down easy. "I'm sorry baby, but I don't think we should take that risk. You're already so tired and it's been a long day, I don't want you to push yourself anymore" I admit as her eyes lock with mine, disappointment evident in her features. I hate doing this. I hate feeling like I'm breaking her heart but I'd never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to her.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you Mila. I can't, I don't.... I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if I put us in a situation that risked you getting hurt or worse..." I sigh sadly as I gently push some of her hair out of her face and place a gentle kiss on her forehead.