Racing for Keeps

Chapter 12

Two Weeks Later

Shawn's POV

It's been two weeks since Camila's brain surgery. She's getting stronger every day and her memories are slowly coming back. She's allowed me back in her room a few times, and just yesterday she asked to see me alone because she had something to discuss with me. Turns out, she remembers the day of our first kiss and she wanted to talk to me about it.

She remembered everything exactly as it happened and when I gave her a nod and a smile telling her that her memory was right, she leaned forward, grabbing my hand and gently demanded that I kiss her.

Our lips met slowly, almost hesitant; like a first kiss, and really in her new, temporary reality, this was a first kiss. It was soft and gentle, but loving and when she pulled away, we both had tears in our eyes.

"You taste exactly how I remember" she said, smiling at me as she leaned in for more. We take it slow as not to overwhelm her, but to be kissing her again is damn near a miracle.

I chuckle when we break apart again, giving her my brightest smile. "Does this mean you don't hate me anymore?" I ask.

She looks at me slightly confused, then like a light went off in her head and she understands why I'm asking what I am before answering, "You know I used to hate you, but after that kiss and my memories that came back today, I know you're the man I have been with for awhile. I can put two and two together. I'm so sorry for what's been happening" she apologizes.

"It's okay Camila. You've had a long, hard road to recovery so far and the doctors warned us you might have some gaps in your memory because of the surgery" I explain. "Like I told your mom and James; I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me you never want to see me again."

She pats beside her on her bed and I sit down, so close to her now I can't believe it. "I want you here Shawn" she tells me. "And right now, I really want you to kiss me again" she giggles as her hands gently cup my cheeks and she brings my face to hers. Our lips meet again, and the same fire between us that there's always been returns. This time she's not as slow and tentative as she was before. I have to hold myself back and also gracefully slow her down because we can't get all heated right now. She's still recovering and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that.

"I missed you Shawn...." she sighs against my lips as our foreheads touch. "I missed you too Mila, I'm so glad you remember me" I smile back.

"Mmmm.... I would've remembered someone who kisses me like you do eventually" she winks at me as were interrupted by one of the nurses.

The nurse is pleased to hear that Camila remembers who I am and later that afternoon, Camila's brain is put to the test.

My family, her family, and Josh and Bella are all called into her room. The nurse asks her if she can name everyone in the room and tell her who they are to her.

Camila gets her mom and her brother right away. She remembers me, but just calls me her friend for now, which I'm okay with, and then she remembers Aaliyah as my sister, but she can't pinpoint who my parents are exactly. She definitely doesn't remember Josh or Bella and I can tell that it's wearing on Bella so much.

They've been through a lot together.

Bella ends up asking the nurse and Dr. Carli how Camila could be forgetting her when she's part of her most recent memories.  Dr. Carli responds by telling her that the brain is a funny, yet tricky thing and it's very possible that despite the amnesia affecting more of her long-term memories, it can also be affecting her short-term ones as well.  It's more likely that her brain is subconsciously blocking the recent trauma she faced as much as possible, therefore meaning that could be why she can't remember who Bella is to her.

I can see how much it's tearing Bella up inside, and while I'm so excited that Camila remembers me, I feel guilty that it's not the same for Bella, or Josh.  The two decide after some hard decisions that they want to take some time away from all of this.  As a new couple they really haven't had a chance to do anything but be at Camila's side.  So, tonight they are packing up and heading to Sedona for a week long vacation.  Bella feels guilty for leaving, but we promise her it's okay and that her and Josh need this time alone; away from it all.

A Few Days Later

James and I are sitting on the couch in Camila's room watching her sleep, listening to the steady beat of the heart monitor still attached to her chest.  We're both extremely tired, but as the days pass, the more Camila is remembering.  The doctors expect in less than a week, she could have all her memories back.  This is both unexpected and shocking to the doctors, but if there's one thing I know about Camila, she's anything but ordinary.  She plays by her own rules and she's stubborn as hell.

She's been working with therapists almost daily and Dr. Shepard to retrain her brain in some aspects, and to work on retrieving her lost memories.  It's amazing to watch, almost sentimental as I watch her piece her life back together like she did with me.

It's still hard for me to believe that we've both suffered horrible tragedies, but have made it out on the other side.  So many of my memories have been replaying lately and it scares me a little to think even after the time that it's been, they can still seem so fresh and raw.  I think seeing Camila the way that she is, is a trigger and I almost wonder if I need to take some time away as well to get myself back on track.  The thought of doing that kills me, especially since she's remembering us more and more, but I know I'm no good to her if I'm hurting too.

Pulling James out of his day dream, I ask him if we can speak outside.  He looks at me in confusion, but nods his head and follows me out of the room.

"What's going on?" He asks as he leans against the wall.

"Well, all of this stuff with Camila has been acting as a trigger for me I guess.  It's bringing back some memories from after my accident, and I'm just afraid it could hinder Camila's progress if I'm not 100% for her" I tell him.

Crossing his arms, he stands a little straighter.  "What are you saying Shawn?  You just promised her that you weren't going anywhere."

Letting out a sigh, I explain that I wouldn't necessarily be going anywhere; that I have a connection through my friend here at Mayo Clinic that can get me set up with a therapist to work through my own issues.  James ends up nodding in agreement, telling me that he wants me to get things sorted out so I can be at my best for his sister.

Walking back into her room, I see that she's awake.  She sees me and smiles before motioning for me to come over to her.  Leaning down, I give her a small kiss on the lips before sitting beside her and telling her she may not see me for a few days, but I'm just a phone call away, and I'll still be close by.

Understandably so, she doesn't take it very well.  She ends up kicking me out of her room and tells me to come back when I'm ready to be her boyfriend again.  It oddly reminds me of the times I know she used to get so mad, and I'm kicking myself for triggering that in her again; but, when I get a text a little while later apologizing for her outburst, I know we're going to be okay.

I know she understands I need to do this for me. 

For her.

For us.

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Thoughts on Shawn's plan to leave Camila for a few days to work through his own stuff?

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