Racing for Keeps

Chapter 16

The last week has been rough.  The more I try and push myself to get out of this hospital, out of this hotel; the less progress I seem to be making.  Don't get me wrong, I've made some major strides and the fact that I can even walk is huge; but to me it's still not enough.  I can't go home yet and I can't get back to the track.  A trauma that both Shawn and I now have to face at some point.  Him getting in a car again and me feeling worthy enough to be by his side or with the safety crew.

Poor Shawn has been by my side being my biggest cheerleader this whole time and for that I am thankful, but I hate that this is where I am.  I hate that my body won't work how I know it can and should.  Everything Shawn went through to recover now makes so much more sense and as sad as it is to admit now, I get why he had breakdowns and got mad at me.  He was simply trying to cope with things out of his control; as am I.

I still haven't been cleared for much physical activity other than walking with my cane and completely my daily physical and occupational therapy.  It feels like my brain still isn't fully connecting with the rest of me all the time and that's the worst part.  Simple movements are no problem, but more complicated ones like dancing or even bending down to lift a small weight, I can't do 100% yet.

I feel like I'm in a lull.  It's the same daily routine of getting up, attempting to make breakfast, eating said breakfast, working on flash cards with Shawn, going to therapy then having lunch with more therapy afterwards until dinner, ending the night cuddling in Shawn's arms trying not to cry because I feel like I'm getting no where.

My family and friends have been so helpful and encouraging but it's not everyone I would want with me while I recover.  Bella and Josh are great, the daily phone calls from Cez and Sara are great now that they've returned home, but I miss Emma.  Hell I even miss Niall.

One night as I'm wallowing in self pity, a loud knock on our suite door breaks me from my feelings.  Thinking it's Shawn with his hands full of our take out, I walk lazily to the door and open it, forgoing the peephole.  The presence of arms wrapping around me causes me to scream in fear as I'm still in a self induced daze.

"Shhh Mila it's just me" the voice of the arms around me says.

Wait....

I know that voice, and the blonde behind her.

Pulling away from the hug, I can't help but let out another squeal as I realize Emma and Niall are standing in front of me.

"Oh my god!  What are you doing here?" I ask in shock as my best friend pulls me into her arms again, catching me in her arms as I jump on her.

"We're on mid-season break and Shawn called us to see if we could swing a visit because my best friend is having some trouble" she replies.

"I'm gonna smack him, but then kissing the living daylights out of him" I mumble to myself as I smile wide at my best friend, pulling her inside the room with me.  I can't believe she's here.

"I'll take the kiss babe, but save the smack for when I actually deserve it" my boyfriend smirks as he walks through the still open door, carrying bags and bags of food.  I had started to wonder why he had ordered so much.  Niall whose since moved inside our suite, helps Shawn with the bags before embracing him in a hug that's been a long time coming.

"Thanks for coming man" I hear Shawn say as they begin to set up for food for us.  "I'm just sorry we couldn't get here sooner" Niall replies.  "Emma wanted to hop on the first plane we could after your call.  It took me some time to convince her that she'd be even more of a mess if we'd come down here not knowing if Camila was going to make it."

Letting out a low growl, Emma pulls me into her side.  "I was so mad at him, we almost broke up.  But in hindsight I'm glad he convinced me to stay with him because I don't think I could've handled seeing you so sick and hurt Mila.  After everything we've been through, I couldn't bear to lose you and I was too much of a coward to face that."