𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 , w2s

2

maybe a year into our relationship-
or maybe it was two years?
regardless, we started having issues.

we struggled to find time in our schedules;
it was difficult for us to make time.

you'd only text me at the late hours of the night.
and that's if i got a text at all.
i'd stay up, waiting for a message from you.
every night, after it hit 4 am, i gave up waiting.
i couldn't be bothered to wait for a text
that wasn't going to be sent.

i tried talking to you about it one day.
i told you i felt like you were ghosting me,
and i knew you probably weren't trying to,
but it made me feel like shit.

i tried to talk it out with you.

i really did, harry.

but you didn't listen.

you told me that i was overreacting and
that i knew you were busy with youtube.
said you didn't have enough time to text
me because you were too busy with friends.

i think that's the first time we got into
a genuine argument with each other.

shouting and cries rang through my flat.
i couldn't believe what i was hearing from you.
you said that youtube was the only thing
that mattered at the moment.

i wanted to believe you didn't mean it;
you were just saying shit in the moment.
but deep down, i knew you wouldn't just
make something like that up.

i had to kick you out of the flat that night.
if i didn't, i would've said things i regret.
that i would have regretted, actually.
i doubt i'd regret them now.

because back then, i would've regretted it.
i would've regretted screaming at you that
you're a liar and a cheat and a piece of shit.
now, it would be relieving to scream that.

we didn't speak for a few days after that.
you kept on with your streaming and i...
i laid in bed, wishing i hadn't tried to talk
about our problem in the first place.
maybe we wouldn't have been fighting if i didn't.

even now, i still lay and think sometimes.
if i hadn't provoked that argument,
would we be where we are right now?
would i still be madly in love with you?
or would it have ended the same way?

i tried talking to you again that night.
as much as i didn't want to, i had to.
we talked about the argument and,
surprisingly, we did it civilly.
we apologised to each other-
well, i apologised.
you didn't.

when i think about it, i laugh at myself.
how stupid i was, apologising for something
that i had no need to apologise for.

but i still did.
you didn't.

you were the one who had the most
to apologise for and you still didn't.

i think that's when i realised we were falling.
falling into an endless cycle of apologies
and fights with each other.

and never once in any argument,
did you ever apologise to me.

there's your second reason, harry.