𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 , w2s

3

the realisation that we weren't the same
as when we first got together hit me
around three am on a saturday night.

i didn't expect us to be the exact same,
because obviously people change, but
i didn't think we'd become so toxic.

you know, if we had any other job
besides youtube, we'd be great actors.
because that's what we did all the time.
we acted like we were okay.

in public, or around any friends, we had
gotten great at acting like this perfect couple.
but as soon as we were alone together,
back to screaming and shouting we went.

i think some of the guys had caught onto it.
a few of them knew about the constant arguing
and shouting and insulting each other.

you had brought me along to a bar.
the other sidemen were there, too.
i don't remember when, but at some point,
we had gotten too drunk, and wandered off.
another pointless argument rose between us
and i eventually left the bar pissed off.

i stumbled maybe halfway down the sidewalk
when josh came out and asked me about it.
he knew something was up with you and i.
i spilled everything to him.

i told him about all the arguments.
all the shit you'd said to me before.
he knew before anyone else.
he knew how toxic we had gotten.

i got a taxi back to my flat.
i shut my ringer off for the night
just so i wouldn't have to hear
the ringing of my phone.
i couldn't stand to hear the noise,
begging me to pick up and accept
another drunk apology that you didn't mean.

was it a mistake?
going silent that night?

it might've been.

maybe if i hadn't shut my phone off,
if i had just accepted your stupid apology-
maybe i wouldn't have opened the door at
midnight and you wouldn't have barged in,
already yelling at me about god knows what.

i guess josh had talked to you after i left.
you were pissed that i told someone else.
why were you so upset?
you said if it got around to the guys, it
would "ruin the way they saw you".

for fucks sake, harry.
someone was bound to find out.
i only told josh because i was scared.
i was scared if i didn't tell someone,
that everything would get even worse.

you told me he tried to talk sense into you.
i'm fucking glad he tried because we both
know that you needed sense.
too bad it didn't work, though.

we fought until i had such a bad
headache from crying and yelling.
i wasted any energy i had trying to
talk things out with you.
that was one of my biggest mistakes.

that was just one of the many nights
it got so bad that i had to kick you out.

it must've been worse than i thought,
because when you left, my neighbour
came up with 101 ready to call.
she told me she was worried because
there was so much noise and it sounded
like someone was going to get hurt.

i felt bad because this sweet woman
had gotten caught up in the night's drama.
i told her everything was okay and that
i had sent you home for the night.
then i apologised to her and she left.

i hate that you were so mad.

that saturday night was the night
i realised we had changed so much.

you weren't the idiot i fell in love with anymore.
now you were just the guy i fought with for
reasons i'll never be able to understand.

you changed from someone i loved,
to someone i was nervous to be around.

around three a.m., i realised we were fucked.
therefore, this is being dubbed reason three.