𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 , w2s

8

two weeks until i have to see you.
i don't know why i accepted the
offer to take photos.

i guess it was because i love photography
and vik, who i finally remembered as the
person who asked me, is very hard to say no to.

sometimes i think it wouldn't be too bad
if i didn't feel bad for everything.
things would probably turn out better for
me in the long run if i didn't feel guilty
about everything i said no to.

these are all probably
getting sent to you by friday.
it's wednesday right now.

i don't want to be angry right now.
i can't find the energy to want to hate you.

so, i won't.
i'll just tell you
about my life currently.

i've had a rough week.
people have been bringing
you up so much, and i'm not
even sure what for.

this group of girls came up to me
on the sidewalk the other day.
i got really nervous; they looked to be at
least thirteen, if not fourteen.

it's stupid, but i always get nervous
around this type of group of teenage girls
because they're the most judgemental ones.
they're the ones who, even though you're a
grown adult, will tell you everything wrong
with the way you're dressed, the way you walk,
all the little details you weren't insecure
about until they pointed them out.

i was in the right to be nervous.
they were a group of three,
the girls who came up to me.

i thought they were fans, and they were.

but not fans of me.

they were your fans.
and as much as i love them,
they're stressful sometimes.

i didn't have a chance to comprehend
what was happening before i was
drowned in questions about you.

i don't remember the half of what happened.

i think the one thing i remember is when
one of the girls asked me a really personal one.

she asked why i broke up with you;
told me you had done nothing wrong.

when we broke up, we never put out
to the public the real reason we had split.
we made up some bullshit lie about
how we needed space and fell out of love.

two months ago, i would've told them
the real reason without hesitation.
but now, for some reason, i didn't want to
mess up your image or make things bad for you.

i told them the same lie we told the public.
we had just needed space.

that was satisfactory enough for them.
they left me alone after that for the most part.

one of the girls stayed behind for a second.
i should've left when i had the chance.

she told me she knew i was lying and
that i was a piece of shit for breaking
your heart back then.

the thing that got to me the most
was when she said she hoped i
would fall in love and get my heart
broken when i least expect it.

i almost laughed.

little did she know that had already happened.

anyways, she left before i could respond.
that encounter kind of ruined my day.
i decided to go home and just relax.

but now my mind was completely overtaken.
you were stuck in my head and i couldn't
stop thinking about you.

it carried on for the rest of the night.
you were the only person on my mind.
i even brought out the letters and read
them again in hopes that it would help.

i've come to a realisation, harry.
even though you made my life so
shit, you were also a big part of it.

we had our bad days, but there
were also days that i never wanted to end.

those were the days we could just talk,
and we'd sit on the sofa and just kiss,
or lay there, no need for words.

i miss those days.

i miss being in your arms.

i miss the feeling of talking to you.

i miss you.

and so i've come to a realisation that
i'm not ready to admit to myself.

this letter wasn't hateful.
like i said, no energy for that.

this letter is about love.

because, as much as i deny it.

i'm still in love with you, harry.

( a/n )
sorry it took so long for
an update school's been busy
have every remaining chapter
besides the epilogue done.
will try and publish soon <3.
- mars x