𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 , w2s

10

dear harry,

this is a formal letter i suppose. this is going to be quite long, to make up for letter nine being so short.

it's been a few hours since i last saw you, and now i'm preparing for my final goodbye to you. i've collected all of your things and boxed them up for you. i'm ready to put things in the past. forget about everything.

i keep looking over the pictures of us. i wonder where we went wrong. when did we become so unhappy with each other? it's too late to wonder that now. we've gone our own ways and it's going to be okay in the long run.

just like with the pictures, i keep reading over the letters. the cheesy love letters that, as much as i want to hate them, i can't help but smile everytime i read them. and everytime i read them, my eyes linger on the "i love you's". i'm giving them back to you, though. they're a bit tear-stained. sorry.

you know, if i could turn back time and change things, i might not. in the process of doing me a lot of damage, you've also helped me. i know now that i can move past really difficult things, no matter how bad they've scarred me. you've made me a better person, as cliche as it sounds.

i think about us sometimes and i've realised that not everything was your fault. a majority of it was mine. i was really stubborn and a major dick a lot of the time. i was always pushing you to do things you were too busy for. i'm sorry. you deserve an apology.

we both deserve apologies.

there's a lot i miss about you. i miss being able to have the most random conversations and just go on and on for hours about absolutely nothing. i miss going to bars and getting wasted to the point we laughed at random spots on the wall for no reason.

i miss the feeling of crying in your arms after a rough day. listening to you tell me everything was going to be okay.

i miss sneaking into my flat at the wildest times, trying desperately not to wake my flatmate. we never once did it successfully; one of us would always laugh a bit too loud and out she'd come mumbling curses at us.

i miss the "i love you's" and the "you're my everything's". i miss our always and forever. our always and forever that became an eternity away.

maybe in another lifetime we'll have another chance to make things alright. maybe we can fix things. maybe.

i hope you're doing okay. i was too focused on myself, and i never checked up on you. i didn't realise that this might have had an effect on you. i'm not the only one with feelings here. so, how are you?

we were never good at this type of thing; having causal conversation. our conversations were always out of nowhere and never normal. so, i'm not sure how to really talk like this. part of me wants to just start up one of our random topics. but i don't think i can do that anymore. it doesn't seem appropriate with our situation. but what i'd give just to have a talk with you. no arguing or tears, just two people having a chat. nothing more.

i thought i was unlucky before. that i had the worst of luck because of everything. that's another thing i was wrong about, though. i was extremely lucky to have you while i did. i didn't have you for long, but when i did, it was great.  yes, we had problems, but in the end it was okay.

i forgot to mention this in the previous letters, but i got a dm the other day. i couldn't for the life of me find out who it was messaging me, until she explained herself. it was the girl who you were with that day.

it doesn't hurt anymore, which is why i responded to her. she said she wanted to apologise for everything and that you two had recently broken up. i didn't even know you guys were dating. she told me she had thought about it and she wasn't comfortable anymore dating a guy who cheated on his ex with her. good for her.

she's a lovely woman. we've made friends and started talking a lot. it's a bit strange but it's okay.

i'm changing the subject a lot, but things keep popping in my mind, so forgive me.

the other day, i passed the bar i spent my birthday at. i could still hear the music and smell the alcohol. but i could also see us arguing outside. i could hear every word out of your mouth. i could see myself ready to forgive you and everything you did.

i should have forgiven you. maybe it could have salvaged us. we could've been at least friends. that's really all i want anymore. a friend.

it was really hard for me to make friends after we broke up. i was scared and didn't have the energy to talk to anyone.

i'm doing better now, though.

i don't have much left to say. i've told you everything i need to.

yes, i still love you. i'll always love you.

after all, you never really get over your first love. you just put the love you have for them away; stored in your heart for another day.

i want you to know i don't hate you.

i don't want to lose you.

because i'll lose part of me when i lose all of you. and i don't know if i can do that.

in another lifetime we can be friends. we can be okay with each other.

i'm fine with another lifetime because it means i don't have to let you go forever. there's always another time.

so this is where our story comes to an end.

we've had a long run but it's time for me to let you- let us go, and move on with things.

thank you for being my everything for a long time. thank you for being my life.

it's time to let go of the rope attaching me to all this pain.

i'll love you always and forever, harry lewis.

signed,
melody wilson