𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 , w2s

5

congratulations, if you've made it to here,
you're obviously interested in this.
good, im glad you're still here.
because it's about to get real interesting.

before you read the next bit,
i'll give you time to think about
what this reason could possibly be.

here's a hint.
july 2, 2017.

have you guessed it yet?
that's right, the day we broke up.

don't skip over this reason.
this is the most important one.

i know you're thinking this shouldn't be
a reason, because i broke up with you.
why should i hate you for something i did?

that's why i have to start from the beginning
so you know exactly where im coming
from when i say i hate you for this.

we were actually doing alright that day.
we had a conversation without arguing.
i should've known something bad was
bound to happen later in the day.

i've blocked so much of this memory out
that i forget exactly what happened before.
all i know is that i left your flat midday.

i called an uber home
since you'd picked me up.
not until i got back to my flat,
thirty minutes later, did i realise,
i had left the keys to it at yours.

i didn't want to call another car
so i texted you to see if you'd bring them.

fourty minutes passed without a response.
i sat in hallway for fourty minutes before
deciding to head back to your flat.

i called another car and on my way i went.

lux answered the door when i knocked
and he seemed genuinely surprised i was there.
it was strange, because he knew i was prone
to showing up there at random times.

what should've been a red flag for me
was when cal was also surprised at the
fact i was there.

i asked them why they both looked so shocked.
neither of them answered at first.
lux went to check on you and cal stayed behind
until he came back.

when lux came back, he had an expression
that i can't even begin to describe.
it was something of betrayal and anger,
but there were also hints of sadness in there.

he whispered something to cal.
it was probably something about what
had him so upset.

i couldn't stand not knowing anymore.
something was going on and both of
them knew something i didn't.

i don't remember which one told me
because the moment i heard the words
"he's in his room with another girl",
that became the only thing in my mind.

then i knew why lux came back with the
expression that he did.

then i figured out why you hadn't answered.
why you hadn't responded to my texts.

i couldn't believe this.
i couldn't believe you.

out of everything you could've done to hurt me,
this was at the top of the list.
we had issues but that didn't mean
that i didn't love you still.

i couldn't even bring myself to catch you
in the act, it was too much for me.
i wasn't usually someone to cry in front
of people- i'm still not, but that was enough
for me to nearly burst into tears right there.

i had to sit down before i lost it.
i sat on the floor next to cal and lux,
who were trying to comfort me,
for thirty minutes before you came out.

when you finally did leave your room,
i wanted to just get up and leave.
you were tearing me apart.

but then i saw her following right behind you,
bruise-like marks on her neck- hickeys.
i wasn't even upset at that point, just angry.
i wanted to scream and cry, but i couldn't.

i stood there, eyes locked with you.
not once trace of guilt in yours.

you broke eye contact first.
didn't even try to salvage us.
you told me straight up that
you'd been with her for weeks.

i think you expected me to lash out-
to scream, attack, anything.

but i couldn't do anything but stare.
my eyes shifted over to the girl.
she looked a lot like me.
maybe that's why there wasn't guilt.
because she looked like me, so she
was close enough to me.

i couldn't deal with any of it.
i grabbed my keys and asked cal to
drive me back to my flat.

the girl stopped me by the door and
tried to tell me she didn't know you
had a girlfriend and she was sorry.
i told her she had nothing to be sorry for.
this was your fault, you asshole.

you could've just let me leave, but
what would we be if things didn't end
in a screaming match.

you told me i was being dramatic.

those words infuriated me.
how was i being dramatic?
if anything, i was being boring.
you just wanted a fight.
and you were going to get a fight.

everything i had been holding back, i let out.
i told you i fucking hated you and i hoped
that karma came and fucked with you.

you just told me i was being stupid.
you were the stupid one.

i wasn't giving into your fight
like i usually would.

i told you we were over.
i broke up with you.
then i left.

cal drove me back to my flat.
he insisted on staying to comfort me.
so i let him in, and i cried to him for hours.

by the time he had left, i felt like
my head was being crushed from
all the crying and screaming.

before i went to bed that night,
i blocked your number, instagram, everything.
i didn't want anything to do with you.

you tore me apart.
broke down walls i
had built years ago.
you made me hate myself.

you're a cheat and a liar, harry lewis.

fuck you.

( a/n )
and with that, we've hit the end of
part one of ten reasons!
- mars x