𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 , w2s

4

shortly after two years together,
things between us got worse.
i don't know how it was possible,
but they went even further to shit.

the wall we had up to protect your
image had crumpled to the ground.

i say your image because i couldn't
have cared less about what people
thought about me.
i still loved you though, so if protecting
your image was important to you, it
was important to me, too.

stupid, i know.

i suppose after that wall came down, it
no longer mattered what your image was.
now, everything was out, and we were fucked.
sorry, you were fucked.

i had been hinting for a while to fans
that not everything was okay relationship-wise.
i didn't mention you a lot and when i did,
i kept it short and didn't say much.
i didn't like your instagram posts or tweets.
it sounds childish, but that's what the fans
would pick up on more than anything.

so, when the truth came out,
i was more relieved than anything.

but that relief didn't last long because
like most things in our relationship, you
found a way to make things seem like lies.

you posted a picture of us on instagram
with the caption "you lot will make anything
up. me and @mells are fine. it's all a big joke."

and then we made a video together.

i dont know how you managed to convince
me to film it with you, but you did.

a big fucking video covering up the truth.
i should've never filmed it with you.
because after it was posted, the whole
thing went away and wasn't spoken of.

maybe it's the fact that i was so fucking
in love with you that i put aside the fact
that you were, once again, lying to people
about what was really going on.

maybe, just maybe, if i hadn't been so in love,
we could've prevented shit from going in the
direction that it did.

i shouldn't, but in a way, i blame myself.
the hidden truth, the future, everything.
it's all my fault because i couldn't see
what you were doing because my mind
was too clouded by my stupid emotions.

you blamed me, too.
but not for hiding things.

no, harry.

you blamed me for letting the truth out.
said that i should've hidden it better.

and even though i knew it wasn't my fault,
i said it was because that's how much
i loved you.

i never wanted you to feel like something
this bad was your fault.

and even now, i'm not fully convinced that
it wasn't my fault.

because you put the blame on me,
now i can't believe anything else.

so fuck you, harry.
fuck you and everything
you did to me.

fuck you for your stupid lies
and your meaningless apologies.

they mean nothing to me now.

you're simply a thing of the past
that i wish i could forget about.

but you've managed to work your way
into my thoughts every day.

and i fucking hate that you can do that.