The Art of Still Pretending

Nine

Blair POV.

•••
 
   So, Natalie went straight into the shower after the boys left. And it's been an hour since then. Is that giving her enough time before I start the interrogation?

   My answer is yes. "So." I say barging into her room.

   "So what?" She laughs, "I'm not a mind reader."

   "Do you like him?"

   She sighs and lays back on her bed. "More than I should."

   "You say that like it's a bad thing?" I see guilt swimming around in her eyes. "Is it because Zack?"

   "I mean, kind of. We have an agreement to not date unless we are home for the holidays, and we are free to do whatever when we are at school. I just feel bad for comparing them. It's just so easy with Blake. No fighting, no secrets. It's nice."

   I hate that I'm a realistic. And I hate even more that I'm honest. "Well, Nat you guys are super cute. But you have to remember that you guys are in the honeymoon stage of dating. Later on, there could be, will be, fights."

   She sighs, "I know, I know. But I still never felt like this with Zack. With Zack, it feels like an obligation to date at this point."

   "Blake wants me to be his girlfriend, and I know it's kinda soon. But I really like him. But I also told him no. Zack and I didn't agree to that part. We could hookup, go on dates with other people, but having a boyfriend? That wasn't part of the agreement."

   "Maybe it's over for you and Zack. This time, for good. And that's not a bad thing Nat. To want something new, to be bored of something. I know you always thought it would end with you and him. Thought you guys would be inseparable. But maybe you were wrong. Maybe there's someone better for you, and maybe Blake is it." She sits up and gives me a hug.

  "Yea, I think it's over."

   We talk for only a little longer before I go into my room. I lay on my bed and sigh, looking at my moving fan.

   I'm tired.

   It takes every bone of me, everyday stupid day, to not pick up the phone and call him. I miss him.

   And I know I'm so stupid for it. But I'm tired, and I'm bored. And I'm sad. I know I told Natalie about my dad, but that took so much for me to do it. But with him, it was so easy to talk about things.

   I could call him, tell him that. But I know he's still with her. I've called Emma and asked before. I'm so tempted to call him still. Do exactly what I did before. Be the stupid, idiotic girl letting a guy use her.

   And it's not because I want to be happy. I was finally happy after moving, and it wasn't because a guy. I'm not going to lie, he did make life a little happier. But I was content these last couple of months. But now, I'm so bored.

   Maybe not bored, I can't explain how I feel.

   I lay in bed, not tired, not because it's late. I lay in bed, because it's as if the show I've been watching for weeks, taking up all my time, has finally ended. And I lay in bed, in the dark, just laying. The stuff on my phone, not satisfying me. There's an empty feeling in my chest. And I stare at my fan, counting how many times it goes around.

   "I'm going to do it!" Natalie barges into my room, scaring the shit out of me. I sit up abruptly from my bed.

   "Do what?"

   "Tell him I want him to be my boyfriend."

   A smile grows on my face. I'm happy she has someone. A little jealous, but happy. "When?"