Miss Matched

Chapter 33: Fixing The Problem

I spend my last night in London sleeping at a hotel nearby instead of going home. Well for one, I didn't sleep that much. It even felt like I didn't sleep at all. 

When the hotel maintenance came to my room to fix my heater I look like I was about to jump off a cliff. He looked at me as if I'm gonna bite him anytime soon for I just sat at my bed as I watch him fix it. My eyes might be completely focus at him but my mind's wandering somewhere far. 

I don't even have a clue in what's happening around me. I didn't realize when the maintenance left my room, it felt like my brain had a switch which seems to be faulty at the moment.

I tried to take a bath. I kept the faucet running, waiting for the tub to be filled and it wasn't until I felt the water rushing to my feet did I realize that I probably should turn the faucet off. 

I just left the tub alone and went back at sitting in the bed. I look up at the old wall clock above the dresser. It's already 12 am.

I clutch my head in my hand then felt involuntary tears stream down my face.

I wanted to be alone didn't I?So why do I yearn to have someone with me now but that probably isn't a good idea since I'm barely an intellectual person right now.

I close my eyes trying to clear my mind but then their faces kept coming back. The more I shove them at the deepest corner of my mind, the stronger they seem to impact me as they repeatedly and simultaneously resurface.

"... I'm sorry I can't be Zayn."

"I'm fine... Just as long as you're here"

Each word sends lashes in me but I can't stop it. I deserve this.

".. I feel like now, I do have the chance to finally replace him in your life and if not at least I can say that I didn't fought a losing battle"

My heart melts and I place my hand in the sides of his face "Harry, I love you. I may not love you now like I love him but still that doesn't change the fact that I do love you and that I want you to be always safe and happy"

He places his hand above mine and closes his eyes "That's enough for me"

Harry's voice rang clear in my mind it's as if he's saying them himself right now. My face heats up and every word rang with such intensity that it went right into my core.

"You don't need to love me back that way... Just please come back"

I clutch my head tighter for I know that I don't have any right to mess up a person like him. I knew that if we pretended someone will get hurt and I knew that it would probably be him and yet I agreed. I'm such a selfish person. I wish I could've just love him then everything would be easier. No one would get hurt. He wouldn't be this messed up right now.

Another voice rang in my mind and this time I felt twice the pain. I don't even know what will be left of me after this.

I look up at him, removing my head from his shoulder. I felt his hand drop from my shoulders

"You're supposed to be helping me and not rubbing my stupidity in my face!" I nudge him

"I just repeated what you're saying. I don't know what to say. It's not like I did this many times before... What am I suppose to say anyway?" he smiled sheepishly

"You're to say everything's gonna be fine...” I told him

"Everything's gonna be fine then... Screw this! I'm not good at this" he says throwing up his hands in the air