Miss Matched

Chapter 23: Because I Love You

I walk briskly but the pounding of my heart against my chest is much faster than my feet.

I never really thought about the possibility of having even the slightest chance with Zayn. It had always been him and Jill then, Harry and I, that's how the whole world sees it and because of that I kinda stopped hoping of having a happily ever after with him

My head feels like spinning with all of the emotions and thoughts in it at the same time

I'll check first at our room, I mean his not in their room so he might be in Jill's

I turn to the corner and found my best friend and the love of my life talking; they didn't seem to notice me so I went to hide back in the corner by the wall. I wanted to hear what they are talking about

"What now?" Jill asks

"I need to tell you something..." he says lowly with doubt in his voice "... I wanted to tell you before bu.t.. But I just don't know how... I love you. I've always had and always will be"

My whole world stops. It became harder to breath; I was now catching my breath as if I ran a marathon while clutching my chest

I peek from my place at them... I shouldn't have done that...

I watch as my best friend and the love of my life kiss in front of me

I watch in horror feeling my heart crush into even smaller pieces. I clutch my chest harder for it felt like a huge hole took the place of my heart. My vision became blurry as hot tears stream down my cheeks.

It's so pathetic of me to think that I even have a chance against Jill. He loves her. How could I even think that I have the slightest chance?

I have to get out of this place before my whole world falls apart

I started running unsure of where to go but I only manage to run a half meter before strong arms wraps around me

I don't know who he/she is but I just don't care the only thing I can think about is how can one person completely destroy my whole world?

The hug tightens around me and lips presses against the top of my head. His arms are like haven, I feel comfort in them. Yes, I now know who he is. Only one set of arms can make me feel this way. Harry

"Kaleen.." he whispered

I burrowed my face on his chest, wishing that pain would go away. It's killing me slowly and painfully inside

Harry place his hand under my chin then he raises my face from his chest making me see his pained face

"H-H-Ha-rry..." sobs swallowed my next words

Harry hugs me again while stroking my hair

"Shh... I'm here love" he says

"You're.. Always... here" I whispered in between sobs

Why can't I just love Harry? He's always been there for me, he never hurts me or anything and for heaven sake! He's The Harry Styles... Why didn't I choose him in the first place?

I knew to the answer to that question, it's because I let my heart do the decision making and it choose Zayn. I've fallen so deeply in love with him that he became my world without me noticing it, I never wanted for that to happen but it just went so fast that I couldn't control it anymore

I let him be my world and now he's gone. It's like I was his moon and he is my world and now that he's move to a moon he likes much better, I'm left nothing. He's gone and how can moon exist without her world? 

Everything inside me is slowly and painfully falling apart. Memories I've had with him flashes through my mind and with every memory comes a whip in my heart. Why did I let one person became my world? Now I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just a lost little moon, broken and dying slowly inside

Harry places both of his hand on the sides of my face and presses his forehead against mine, making me stare at his clear green eyes

"I told you I got your back didn't I?..." he whispered "... Do you trust me?"

There is pain in his eyes; it's clearly visible now for he didn't try hiding it this time

I don't know how Harry does it, I mean I'm not really sure if he loves me like I love Zayn but still, I don't understand how could he stand near me and pretend that everything's fine all the time when it's not

I starred at his eyes, confuse with his question

"H-Ha-Harry I d-.."

"Do you trust me?" he asks again cutting me off

I nodded slowly then he wipes the tears away from my face with his gentle fingers before planting a long kiss on my forehead and holding my hand tightly

Harry pulls me; I keep my eyes on the floor, unsure where he will be taking me

"Harry?"

That voice froze my tracks, I love that voice but it was also through it that my world falls apart with just words

Harry gave my hand a tight squeeze then I look up at the face that I love the most

Everything rushes back through me; every pain, happiness, confusion all went through me at the same time. His face, that angelic face that brought me here is now the same reason why I want to run away from here

"Kaleen I wanna t-" he says

Our eyes met and I felt that the broken remains of my heart has been broken into tinier pieces

Zayn's eyes looks questioningly into mine then his eyes shifted to Harry and I's link hands

Harry raises both of our hands with a wide smile playing on his lips

"Guess what?" he says almost singing

Zayn and Jill looks at each other before looking at Harry and I in confusion

"What?" Jill asks

Harry looks at me with a wide smile before looking at Jill and Zayn

"... She finally said yes! Kaleen's my girl!" he exclaimed loudly

Jill and Zayn's eyes widen with surprise. Jill looks at Zayn thus making me also look at him.

Zayn's looking at me with a questioning eyes and a still face. 

There's a tiny part in me that's still hoping that I might see something in him that might prove Harry's theory... but there isn't and it breaks me more inside

"Kaleen?" Jill breaks the silence

I look at her then smiled weakly

"Are you crying?" she asks again moving closer to me

I bit my lip "I-.. N-.. I'm just very happy..." I force a smile on my face as tears streams down my face "... I finally got the man I love" I look up at Harry

He smiled weakly then kisses the back of my hand

"I'm happy for you" Zayn says

I look at him with wary eyes

If only you know the truth you wouldn't say that. I wanted to shout, to tell you that I love you Zayn that you’re my world and I'm your moon that I'm slowly dying painfully inside because of you. I wanna ask you why you can’t love me instead. Why? Why?

I want to breakdown right now 'cause the pain is just too much but I think that's not a good idea, I wouldn't want him anyone to see how much misery I'm going through right now. I'm just gonna save that later tonight when I'm all alone

"Excuse us.." Harry says squeezing my hand "... We're on our way out. See you later lads"

They both just nodded and I let Harry drag me around

We entered the elevator and Harry shifted his position then hugs me tightly

I remove the mask and let the tears I've been holding back, out

I look up at Harry "Why?"

He smiled at me but pain is visible in his eyes "... Because I love you"