To have and to Hold

things are not what they seem

Whilst Rachel attempted to sort herself out in the bathroom. Adam picked up his dark bathrobe and put it on. His earlier ardour had well and truly cooled off after the incident.

Sitting on the end of the bed, he switched on the television, turning on the news and business channels, in an effort to distract his mind from what had just happened. But he found the tactic wasn't working very well

He suddenly recalled his conversation with Jean in the coffee shop a few weeks previously.

It was only now Adam fully understood what she had been trying to tell him.

He had not realised how, 'damaged' Rachel had been exactly, until he had witnessed it with his own eyes tonight.

But he didn't blame Rachel. She had been nothing but honest with him about her background and what had happened to her. He had been the one who had more or less coerced and rushed her into this marriage, convinced she was the answer to his problems. Up until now, she had not let him down.

Adam found he was more irked with himself.

For once he had not foreseen that this sort of problem might arise. But then up until tonight, Rachel had not shown any outward dislike to any of the physical advances he had made towards her. He had felt sure that she had enjoyed it when he kissed her; her willing response had told him that much.

Even tonight, Adam was sure that she had wanted him as much as he had wanted her, Her body language had given him no other indication, until she had suddenly freaked out. So he was comforted a little to realise it was not that she was repulsed by him. It had stemmed from what had happened to her in the past

Over the years, as a successful business man, he had honed himself keeping a clear cool head in stressful situations realising he could not afford to fall apart. That didn't get things sorted out. He liked to have things sorted out promptly and efficiently. It meant he could get on with whatever needed done

But tonight he realised this usual outlook would not sort out his problem tonight. He found it hard to think straight andhow to deal with it. His mind was still haunted with the vision of Rachel looking so distressed. Then when she had explained the reason why it had made him feel ill.

It started to sink into Adam's brain how depraved this Gary had been with the sort of treatment he had meted out to Rachel. She had obviously suffered a lot of humiliation and pain at his hands.

To say the whole scenario disturbed him, was an understatement. His usual level headed approach to a problem was clouded by the disgust and anger he felt towards Rachel's ex boyfriend. It was also mixed with the realisation that the thought of Rachel hurting, was strangely affecting him more than he thought it would.

He was becoming more emotionally attached to Rachel than he had first intended. It was another unexpected twist, that he wasn't sure how to deal with right now

He was suddenly faced with a sense of inadequacy, something he was not used to. He didn't know what to do or say to help her through it. But he had a distinct vision of what he would have liked to do to this Gary if he had the chance to get his hands on him.

He vented his frustration on the remote control in his hand, pressing the button, viciously as it jumped from channel to channel, not really interested in finding anything in particular, it just to give him something he could do, so he didn't feel so completely helpless in this new situation.

When Rachel finally came out of the bathroom she was dressed in her nightdress with her matching gown wrapped around her over the top of it.

Adam immediately switched the television off, getting up of the bed to go over to her. His concerned brown eyes checking if she was now alright.. She had tied her hair back in a pony tail, and her hazel eyes looked huge in her pale face, but she looked a lot calmer, though her expression was still a little contrite