To have and to Hold

Doubts and fears a plenty

"I can't believe she would go back to him!" Rachel exclaimed a few days later when she finally discovered about Trudy, "She couldn't be that desperate"

Jean sighed, "Rachel, you know as well as I do that sometimes these women fool themselves into believing that they can change their man. There is nothing we say or do can make them see it differently. Sometimes they want it to work so badly, that even a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. Trudy is pregnant with Gary's child, and it seems she is determined that he should be part of her child's life, thinking its going to change him"

"But it's not," Rachel declared, "He doesn't deserve to be a father, he should be locked up!" Frustration and annoyance had been building up in her all morning, since she had discovered that Trudy had left her sister's.

"There must be something we can do.. an address where we can find her? So at least we could try and talk some sense into her"

"She doesn't want to be found Rachel, and unless she has made a formal complaint against Gary, there is nothing we can do," Jean explained patiently. She understood Rachel's frustration.

She had felt it often herself in these cases. Hadn't she begged her daughter to leave the man she was with, but she had not taken any heed and now she was dead, so Jean was only too aware of the consequences..

But she had also learned over the years, that she had to resign herself to the fact this was the way things sometimes turned out. Unless people willingly wanted their help, they could not force them into doing anything. So they were free to return to their abusive partners, if they chose to do so.

"So we just sit back and do nothing, whilst she puts herself and her unborn child in danger?" Rachel demanded in disgust, then she shook her head,

"It's not right Jean, I know if I had talked to her, told her about what Gary done to me... Made her realise he is not going to change after all these years.. The only thing he knows is brute force, and he can't control his temper, especially when he has drink in him. I wish you had let me tell her about it when she was with us, it might have made a difference"

"And it might not have," Jean immediately replied, "What if she still went back to him and told him she knew about you?" she then pointed out.. "He could try and find this place and you, then where would you be? Do you want to face him again?"

"No of course not," Rachel replied feeling herself inwardly shuddering at the idea

"All we can hope is that Trudy realises she has made a mistake and starts to see sense, and tries to contact Kathy or her sister," Jean said, "So there is no point in you getting yourself into a state over it. As I keep reminding you Rachel, you have your own responsibilities to worry about now. You are one of the very lucky ones. You managed to get yourself a good life, with a great husband and now a child on the way. Just be grateful for that"

"I am," Rachel replied, "Actually, I'm thankful every day for how my life turned out, which is why I feel bad for Trudy. I feel so helpless to do anything for her .. That could have been me, and it scares the hell out of me," she admitted

"This whole thing is bringing out all your old insecurities?" Jean realised understandingly

"Something like that," Rachel replied, "I just hope Trudy does see sense, and returns to her sister, before something happens that she will regret," she added worriedly

"I hope so too," Jean agreed, "All we can do is wait and see how it goes," she sighed philosophically

It was late in the afternoon, Rachel was driving home after visiting the maternity clinic for her monthly check up. Everything was going great so far, she was pleased to discover. They had done a scan and she couldn't wait to show Adam the picture they had given her to keep of the baby in her womb, It was a pity he had phoned her to tell her he would be home late again.