love in autumn | taegyu

V. "November"

Beomgyu paced outside of the hospital room, he hated not being in there, he hated not knowing what was happening to Taehyun and most of all he hated the feeling of knoiwng that Taehyun could be sick and could have possibly caught something from his kiss they shared the day before. His palms were sweating and he wiped them on his jeans, nervousness taking over his body completely.

"Beomgyu, you can come in now!" Taehyun called from inside the room.

Beomgyu entered the room and looked at his mother who was holding a chart with new information in her hands. He tried to focus on her but he couldn't take his eyes off Taehyun. He wore a navy blue knitted sweater and black sweat pants with white fuzzy socks. His hair was slightly messy and his skin was a bit paler but Beomgyu didn't mind that.

"I'll leave you two alone," Beomgyu's mother walked out of the room.

Beomgyu sat down in the chair opposite Taehyun, he could tell something was off about the boy's behaviour. He was fidgety, he never fidgeted. He was always calm and collected, that's one thing Beomgyu loved about Taehyun. That he wasn't all fidgety and anxious anymore.

"Taehyun, what's wrong?" Beomgyu asks. "What's going on?"

"I don't think we should be friends anymore." Taehyun answered.

"What? Why?" Beomgyu replied. "Did I do something?"

Taehyun shook his head. He couldn't even look at the older male. He hated that he was so infatuated with the idea of loving him. The idea that maybe someday he and Beomgyu could live a happy life together, they could get married, start a family, what was he thinking. He sounded crazy. Beomgyu probably didn't even feel the same way.

"Because I'm not good for you." Taehyun answered. "I'm just a walking disappointment with an incurable disease who will only waste your time and effort so spare yourself the heartbreak and leave before it's too late." The younger took a deep breathe, forcing back his tears. He couldn't cry in front of him, it would only make it harder.

"Where is this coming from? We just kissed yesterday and now suddenly you're pushing me away? I'm so confused." Beomgyu responded.

"You just don't get it. You're not racking up a stack of bills for your future partner to deal with. You're not sick with a disease that only kills you more each day. You get to be normal. You don't have to lug around some obnoxious oxygen tank everywhere you go and hope that you don't get stared at for having a tube shoved up your nose." Taehyun groaned, standing up from his chair to walk over to his medicine tray. "You don't have to get fed through some stupid tube by a bottle of liquid that tastes as bad as it sounds. You can explore the world Beomgyu. I would only be holding you back."

"Kang Taehyun. I know what I felt when I kissed you." Beomgyu retorted. "Don't tell me you didn't feel it too."

"I didn't." Taehyun shrugged, swallowing a handful of his regulated pills. "I didn't feel anything at all."

Beomgyu stood up from his chair and stalked over to where Taehyun stood. He grasped the younger males cheeks with both his hands and forcibly pulled the younger in towards him. He placed a deep, lustfilled kiss to Taehyun's lips. Taehyun stayed still, trying his hardest not to kiss the older male back. Trying to prove to him that he didn't feel the same.

"You don't feel that?" Beomgyu questioned, kissing him again. "You don't feel your heart racing every time I kiss you?"

"N-No." Taehyun stuttered, his words cut off by another kiss to his lips.

"I know you feel it too." Beomgyu almost laughed. "Why won't you admit it?"

Taehyun pushed Beomgyu away from his body. He turned away and walked over to his drawer, ignoring Beomgyu's calls for him to turn around and look at him. He reached into the drawer, lifting the small stack torn open envelops out of it and tossing them on the bed. He took a deep breathe and pulled out the notebook underneath, opening it to reveal the list of hospital names he'd been in the past and he tried his hardest to fight back his tears.