love in autumn | taegyu

VI. "November"

Beomgyu walked past Taehyun's hospital room and his heart clenched. He had his badge in his hands, heading towards the pediatrics main desk to turn in his volunteer badge. He decided it was best, that way Taehyun could move and Beomgyu could move on, or try to atleast. He got about halfway down the hallway and sighed.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't just leave him without saying goodbye.

Beomgyu turned back on his heels, heading right for Taehyun's room. He didn't knock before entering, he didn't care. He needed to see Taehyun and he didn't care if that upset the young male. The door opened and Taehyun looked up from his drawing, shocked a bit to see Beomgyu standing there. Taehyun wore a charcoal grey knit sweater, black jeans and white socks. He had on glasses and a small spot of paint on his cheek.

"Beomgyu, what are you doing here?" He asks.

"Tell me that you care." Beomgyu answered. "Because I swear if you have feelings for me Taehyun I'll never leave this room again. I'm about to turn in my badge, and you have an opportunity to stop that. So tell me the truth. Do you care or not?"

Taehyun just stared at him. Was he really going to do this? Was he going to let Beomgyu go and suffer for the rest of his life? Part of him wanted to push Beomgyu out of the room and tell him to never come back. But the stronger part of his heart just kept replaying those words Soobin had said to him in his head and he couldn't help but feel conflicted.

"Stop pushing people away because you're afraid to be loved. Or else someday, you really will be all alone."

"I have feelings for you. And I'm sorry for hurting you. I just thought that you wouldn't want to be with someone like me. Someone with an incurable disease and a ticking clock on their life span. I couldn't see you ever being with someone like me." Taehyun responded.

Beomgyu reached into his bag and pulled out his camera, turning it on quickly before handing it to the younger male. Taehyun was confused, a picture of some falling leaves popped up on the screen and he looked at Beomgyu for an answer.

"What's this for?" Taehyun asks.

"Just flip through the photos. You'll see." Beomgyu answered.

Taehyun was still confused but he began clicking through the photographs, admiring each and every photo that had been taken. Some were of Beomgyu's cat, a few of his mother cooking during what appeared to be someone's birthday, some were of the spring lilies in his garden. And then appeared the first photo of the garden outside the hospital.

It was a photographed where you could just barely see Taehyun's head in the corner, it was focused on the sky and it caught the sunset beautifully. It looked like some brilliant painter had made a mosaic on the evening sunset, painting the once blue sky a grand mixture of reds, purples, oranges and even pink.

"Woah Hyung, these are beautiful." Taehyun gaped.

"Not as beautiful as you." Beomgyu replied, smiling softly.

Taehyun clicked to the next photograph, the photo all of his friends had loved. The photo of him beneath the trees, leaves falling all over him while he laughed his poor little heart out. And that's when it clicked, the whole reason Beomgyu had begun showing him the photographs. The reason he'd never let Taehyun look at them before.

"I photograph the things I love."

He loves me.

Beomgyu's words kept replaying in his head as he looked up from the camera. Beomgyu had tears welling up in his eyes as he let out a shaky breathe. Taehyun set the camera down and stood from his bed, walking over to Beomgyu. He grasped his shaking hands and smiled softly.

"I love you." Beomgyu admitted, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I never expected it to happen so quickly. In fact I didn't expect it to happen at all. But during those three weeks you were on that ventilator, I felt like my world was going to crumble away. I held your hand, and I kept telling myself I was going to tell you I loved you when you woke up and then I chickened out." He couldn't help how shaky his words were as he spoke, the younger male grasping his his cheek with one hand to bring him some sort of comfort.

"When you kissed me, that proved it was real. What I feel is real. I may have never been in love before, but if this is what it feels like then I never want to lose it. I never want to lose you Kang Taehyun. You mean too much for me to just let go of you." Beomgyu managed to choke out and Taehyun couldn't help the tears that escaped his own eyes.

"I love you too, Choi Beomgyu. God, I love you so much it scares me. I'm terrified of losing you, even though I tried to push you away. I'm terrified of hurting you, and you giving up on me. Nobody besides Soobin has ever cared for me this much. Nobody has been there as often as you have been. I need you more than life." Taehyun paused, making Beomgyu look directly into his eyes. "I need you more than I need air to breathe."

Beomgyu leaned in and kissed the younger male softly, wrapping his arms around the younger's tiny waist. He held him as close as he could, the younger smiling against his lips. Taehyun wrapped his arms around Beomgyu's neck, pulling him down a bit so he could kiss him easier. This kiss felt like the first time all over, the butterflies, the nervousness, the clammy hands grasping each others sweaters as they made up for hurting eachother.

"Please don't leave me." Taehyun said softly.

"Never." Beomgyu replied, kissing him once more.

The door opened and Soobin screamed at the sight of the two kissing. Hueningkai jumped at Soobin's scream, falling backwards into Yeonjun who then fell into Sunoo and Jay. Beomgyu looked up from Taehyun's lips and his face flushed red as he covered his mouth in embarrassment.

"Oh, hey," Taehyun waved awkwardly.

"I leave you alone for one day and come back to find you sucking faces," Soobin nearly gagged. "Talk about disgusting."

"Awe Hyung, don't be like that," Taehyun laughed.

"Beomgyu, are you breathing?" Jay teased.

Beomgyu coughed a bit and nodded before giving the boy a thumbs up. Taehyun held onto Beomgyu's arm, pulling him towards his bed so they could sit down and their friends company. Beomgyu laid down on the mattress and Taehyun laid next to him, cuddling up against his chest as his friends gagged at their public display of affection.

Even if their lives were complicated, and they were young, Beomgyu and Taehyun knew what they had was real. They both knew that they had never experienced a love this strong before. A love that was complicated, full of ups and downs. A love that was unexpected, they never intended to fall for eachother but ever since Beomgyu met Taehyun, he'd fallen more in love with him as the days went on. Beomgyu knew the risks of loving Taehyun, the risk that he could lose Taehyun forever due to his illness any day. But he was ready to risk it all if it meant that he got to be with the boy he loved.

"Hey Gyu," Taehyun whispered, looking up at Beomgyu.

"Hmm?" Beomgyu hummed, looking back at him.

"How are we going to tell your mom? We can't risk just having her walk in on us making out. That'd be weird." The younger male whispered.

"We'll figure it out. For now, let's just enjoy watching our friends play twister," Beomgyu replied, giving the male a reassuring kiss on his temple before focusing on his friends who were currently in the middle of a game. 

-

we're nearing the end of this book besties :')