Risk it All

My Head's a Reelin'

April 2012

Brantley’s POV:
“What gives man? You have been a miserable asshole since we got back? Leave something at home that’s got you acting like this? Someone rock your world while we had some down time?” asked Chase as he sat on the couch and smirked at me. If I didn't love his ass like a brother, I would stomp his ass just because I needed to take my frustrations out on something. The two of us had been strumming guitars and scribbling notes in our songbooks all night. Writing usually helped me deal with things that were bothering me but it just wasn’t helping. 

“Shut the fuck up, man.” I said, propping my guitar against the wall and going to the refrigerator to get a bottle of water and taking a long pull, pretending it was a long pull for an ice cold beer. In the past, I would have turned to alcohol to drown my problems but since I was sober and damned proud of it, I had to settle for water and pretending.  “Before I beat your ass.”

“Well it's something. Everybody notices it too. Even Brin and she ain’t even here.” said Chase leaning back on the couch and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Fuck man!” I muttered as I dragged my hands down my face. “I had an amazing day with someone while we were on break but I fucked it up. So much so that she slapped the shit out of me and hasn't spoken to me since.”

“Figured that it was something to do with a woman.” Said Chase smugly. “So, what did you do?”

“Things with this girl were explosive, man. I’m talking like seeing stars every time we uhh, well you know. But when she asked if it was going anywhere, I told her that I wasn't the dating kind and that I was fine just having fun.” I said plopping down in my recliner.

“But you didn't mean that did you?” asked Chase.

“Hell no. I freaked out, man. It’s never been like it was with anyone but her. After the whole Jana thing and Amber breaking my heart, I can't risk getting hurt again. Especially with my sobriety being fairly new. I’m scared that if I took a chance and something happened, that I would fall back into old habits.” I said to Chase, finally voicing my deepest fear.”

“B, lifes about taking chances man. You have to be willing to risk it all to find what makes you happy. Look, it was the same with Brinleigh and I. I was scared to take a chance on her because of my job and how much I thought it meant that I was doing something that would have made my father proud. But once I was willing to risk it all, I found the one thing that I had been missing… and that was the love of my life.” said Chase. “You can't live your life being scared that someone or something will happen to destroy your sobriety. I know it's a daily struggle B but what kind of life do you have when you won’t go after the things that you want?”

“I hear what you're saying man and it's nothing that i haven't told myself or even heard from my Mama. but with this girl, man.. It's complicated.” I said.

“Ain’t it always?” Chase asked, with a smile. “So, tell me about this girl. She someone from your hometown?”

“No, but not far from it.” I said, wondering how much detail I could go into before Chase figured out who I was talking about. “She’s feisty, smart, sexy as sin, and funny too. She’s got eyes that I swear can see right through me. She does this little snort thing when she laughs...”

“If I didn't know any better, I would say there is something more there than just an attraction B.” said Chase, cutting me off. “What’s her name?”

“Promise not to breathe a word of this to anyone Chase or I will have Brinleigh beat your ass.” I said, anxious to see how he was going to react when I told him just who had turned my world upside down. 

“Just spit it out B.” said Chase. 

“It’s Bailey.” I replied softly. 

“I fucking knew it. I told Brin that there was something going on with you two. There's this electric charge whenever the two of you are within 6 feet of one another. Been seeing it for months B.” said Chase, a smug grin on his face.  

“Maybe there is but it's too late now. She won't talk to me. She ignores my calls and texts. I’m telling you man, I fucked up.” I said standing and pacing the length of the living area of the bus. 

“So fix it. Apologize and really mean it. And for god sakes, be honest with her. Tell her that it wasn’t just sex beacsue based on how youre acting, you know the truth.” said Chase. “Let me know if I can do anything to help. Or if I need to plan your funeral.”

     I watched as Chase walked to the back of the bus, no doubt about to go call Brinleigh and tell her that all that I had just told him about Bailey and I. Sitting back down in my recliner with a sigh, I knew Chase was right, I knew that I needed to be honest with her. Since we hadn't made it to our next stop yet, I dragged my phone out of my pocket and sent Bailey a quick text, telling her that I needed to talk to her about my wardrobe when we got to the venue. I knew that I was lying but it was the only way that I knew that she would even consider talking to me. She was good at her job and surely she wouldnt murder me if she believe the converation I needed to have with her was about my clothing...