Risk it All

These are my Confessions

Brantley's POV:
"I think it's time you and I sat down and talked. Don't you?" I said trying to sound calm when I was really about to lose my mind. This was the first time in four long months that I was laying eyes on her. Four long, lonely months since I've held her in my arms. Four long months that I have been tempted way too many times to pick up a bottle and drown my sorrows in the bottom of it. But looking at her now, I didn't like what I saw. Not that she still didn't look so beautiful that my heart skipped a beat every time I laid eyes on her but in four months, she looked to have lost about 20 pounds from her already small frame. Her once glowing skin was pale. She had dark circles under her eyes. "Have you been sick?"

"I haven't been sleeping well." she replied as she stared down at the ground. It was pissing me off that she wouldnt look at me but Caroline's warning kept me from going full on caveman and demanding that she look at me when I was talking to her. I was definitely attached to my balls and would like to keep in just where they were for the rest of my life.

"Bailey, this is more than just not sleeping well. You might have gotten away with telling Trace and the guys that but I don't believe it for one minute. The truth is, you are just as miserable without me and I am without you. Tell me I'm lying." I said as I crossed the room and stood in front of her. My fingers literally ached with the need to feel her skin touching mine. I slipped my hands into my pockets to fight the urge to touch her. "Please look at me babydoll. Let me see those green eyes that knock me to my knees."

I watched as Bailey lifted her head. When her green eyes met mine, I saw the unshed tears there. I saw the hurt. I saw the exhaustion. But the one thing I saw and couldn't figure out what I was seeing it was fear. I hadn't done anything for her to be scared of me. I'd never given her a reason to think that I would ever do anything to harm her. She knew that I was very much against a man putting hands on a woman. But with the way she was looking at me, it was like she thought I was going to flip my shit and go against everything I believe in. She looked like she thought I was going to beat the shit out of her. That look alone pissed me off more than her running and ignoring my phone calls and text messages. Needing to calm myself, I took a deep breath and counted to ten. Once calm, I looked at her and said the only thing I knew to say.

"Awe baby, come here." I said, unable to look at her hurting any longer. Grabbing her arms, I pulled her into me and pressed her head against my chest. The feel of her in my arms was like a soothing balm to my heart. It was almost like I could feel the little cracks that had been there since she left healing back up. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips against the top of her head. "It's all going to be okay baby. It's all going to be okay."

Bailey's POV:
"How do you know that? How do you know that everything is going to be okay?" I said as the tears streamed down my face. He didn't know the massive secret that I was keeping from him. And there was no doubt in my mind that when he found out, he would go full-on thermonuclear caveman on me.

"Babydoll, we none know what the future holds. All I know is that I have been fucking miserable these last four months without you." said Brantley as he tilted my head back so that I was forced to look in his eyes. "I've been so miserable I almost picked up a bottle to drown my sorrows. But you know what kept me from doing it? You. I thought about how you would feel and how I knew that you would blame yourself for my weakness because you left and I poured it down the drain."

At his admission the tears came out in full force. I thought this had been bad on me but knowing that he had almost given up his sobriety because of me was hell. But then I thought about the secret I was hiding and knew that if anything would send him back to the bottle, it would be me hiding the baby from him. We had been apart for four months because I wasn't supposed to be able to give him kids. I knew when he found out about my betrayal, he would lose it. Wanting to go on and get it over with, I decided it was now or never.