see the sunshine, just like the first time

+ 1

trigger warnings: nightmares, ptsd (mentioned)

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When news came in that the team was needed for another mission, Bucky was the first to say he would sit it out, help from home if he could. Lys seemed to be doing better every day, more confident, a little happier every time, and he wasn't just about to throw all of that on the line when he knew the team would be just fine without him.

Steve quickly followed, saying he would stay behind as well, but Bucky was even quicker to reason with him as to why he couldn't just stay home.

"Buck... I can stay" - Steve said, placing his hand on the man's shoulder - "seriously. They can do just fine without me there"

Bucky shook his head, looking up to meet Steve's eyes, which looked back at him with worry.

"No, Captain. They need you" - he argued

Steve sighed at Bucky's stubbornness; he had to admit, first and foremost, that he really wasn't too keen on the idea of leaving Bucky behind, of not being able to hold him through the night, of not being able to be there for him. Plus, they now had Alysa, which, in his eyes, was all the more reason to not let them out his sight. He was leaving two people he loved behind, and Steve just didn't feel like that was the right thing to do.

"You need me too, Buck. So does Lys" - he said

It was not that Bucky didn't feel like he needed Steve; it was that he knew the team needed him way more. He could get by on his own for a couple of days, he could care for Alysa just as well. It certainly wouldn't kill him to wake up from a nightmare to an empty bed; of course, not the most appealing option, but a necessary one nonetheless

"We'll be just fine, Stevie" - he promised

He just hoped, deep down in his heart, that he was right.

~ * ~

Some days, Alysa still had trouble believing what her life had become. Lying on the bed, a book in hand, she looked at the ceiling for a second, the warm feeling of safety and love that flooded her chest still feeling as strange as it felt amazing. Slowly, step by step, piece by piece, she was building a new identity for herself. Not the child she had once been, but certainly not a soldat anymore. With a little flutter of her heart, she realized: HYDRA had not won. Even in the nights she woke up screaming, even when Bucky had to hold her through a nightmare, even when he had to bring her back from the depths of her own confused mind, whispering words of comfort in Russian as easily as if he had never known another language; even then, HYDRA had not won. Alysa felt loved and safe, and almost, just almost whole again; and because of that, they would never win.

The rest of the team, Peter and Wanda in particular, had introduced her to everything she had been missing out on; they had even let her train with them sometimes, let her watch them sparring, and even though Bucky and Steve weren't too fond of the idea at first, they quickly realized she was safe; they, too, wanted to understand to which extent HYDRA had managed to change her skills; coming to the conclusion that, somehow, the serum had only half worked on her. She wasn't a super soldier like them, at least not completely; but she wasn't a normal teenager either, which made her all the more fascinating.

A soft feeling on her leg startled her out of her daydreaming. Alpine was shifting its position, becoming a little ball of white fur at her feet, almost instantly going back to sleep, undisturbed. The cat had been so quiet she had not seen it come into her room. Smiling, she sat on the bed to reach for it and pet it gently, rubbing behind its ears, to which the sleepy creature responded with happy, stronger purring.