Guilty Pleasures

20

"You're the reason why I believe that you can hate someone and still be in love with them at the same time..."

A chapter dedicated to a post written by @morusya_15 on Instagram Morusya51
on Wattpad from a post in which she highlighted the similarities between Raghav and Pallavi's relationship to that of Shiv and Sati's. This chapter is not designed to offend anyone.
•••
Lord Shiva, the destroyer, and yet the preserver of life. The oxymoronic nature worshipped across the world, hailed, celebrated; and yet as Pallavi Deshmukh found herself standing at the god's mercy; she couldn't help but notice the parallels between the universes destroyer and her own personal destroyer.

He wanders alone, a man that maintains no worldly attachments, who lives above mortals and yet has this heavenly aura amongst them. Her eyes narrowed onto the rudraksha beads that outlined the biceps of the inevitable lord, realising just how inevitable the lord of her life was.

A soft curse slipped through her lips, the blasphemy an instant regret as her mind dawned back to the time she had witnessed Raghav's Tandav, the graciousness in his movements, the beauty within them, the fire with in his eyes, she had come to the realisation that the man she had come to worship at night like an ardent devotee, was Shiva epitomised.

Her mind wandered back to a poem that she had fell in love with the first time she had stumbled across it year ago when she was just a diligent student adamant to leave a mark in her own way ...a poem addressed to the Lord himself.

"I am your plaything.

She was his. Every night, at his mercy out of choice, out of sheer starvation to worship him, and to be worshipped in return.

You can breath into me the fire of eternal life, and make me immortal or you can scatter my atoms across the universe so I disappear.

He was fire epitomised...she knew that ultimate truth, and every night they lay in each other's embrace, the passion spreading like an uncontrollable disease, their lips locked and breaths exchanged, she allowed him to breath his fire into her, igniting himself further within her.
And whilst that had been an ultimate truth, Pallavi was now possessed with another truth...that every moment she spent hating, pushing him away, pushing away the desire, the more she began to lose herself.

You can fill me with light and power so that I shine against the darkness of the midnight sky, or you can extinguish my spirit so that I sink forever into the deep and fathomless ocean of time.

He had this capability; to wield both the light and darkness so effortlessly. The light overshadowed by the darkness of his sins; of his circumstances, and yet it was that very darkness that allowed her light to shine brighter, the sun within him dying every night so that she could shine. So that she could bring out something they both needed.
And yet he was still the same man that wielded the weapons to destroy the very life she had prided herself on for so long.

You can set me among the eternal stars resplendent with your divine fire; or you can hurl me into an abyss of darkness, so that I can never be available to the mortal eye again...

He possessed this enthralling power to take her to the stars not only in passion, but in making her realise the true heights that she was capable off achieving. And yet he possessed the same power to throw her at such distances that meant she was no longer within his orbit... such power designed to hurt her.

You can come to me with the glory of a thousand Cupid's, or you can turn from me and leave me stranded in a grey and ghastly desert of despair.

He was nothing but the symbol of destruction in her life, he bewitched her, possessed her love, like an endless mantra and yet he left her every single time.
Standing there;
reminding her off her true place in his life:
beneath him.

You can smile at me with the radiance that kindles the universe; or you can open your eye of fury and reduce me into a heap of ashes.

She could remember the handful of times he had rendered her speechless by his small, scarce smiles, usually during the aftermath of their vigorous rounds between the sheets; when neither of them could find the sleep or the peace they desired nor will themselves to each other again; they found themselves conversing. Knowing each other: communicating, and between the soft exchange of words, when she would lay her head against his chest, and look up towards him as though he possessed her entire happiness she could remember the way his lips would curve, not menacingly, but lovingly.
And yet only she possessed his anger. His raw rudra form. It enthralled her; captivated her, and had the power to ruin her.

I am your plaything; the choice is yours
I am at your mercy."
—KARAN SINGH

And whilst she possessed the calmness of Parvati and the fury of Kali, she had inclined her mind to believe that she was not the goddess of his life.