Keia

Chapter 22: Pre-Loop (Paulie)

     When you close your eyes, the world isn't gone, is it? When everything comes to an end does it mean the world stops existing? I don't think so, and in a way that reassures me. The world isn't going to stop after I leave. The world will keep on turning. 

"Paulie! Are you wearing your nicest clothes?" a feminine call comes from outside my door. I didn't have many nice clothes, but the flower crown they gave me to helps me seem more appealing. Just as long as the earth keeps turning, I'm ok.

"Yes! I'm ready." I say. My mother smiles as I push the beads aside that made up my door, she kneels before me and smiles.

"It's quite the honor you've been given, no? You'll be why we can get rest for the next millennia. It's not often a boy your age gets picked for something like this."

"I know," I say with a hint of melancholy. 

"Don't be sad! Nobody will be able to experience peace the way you will!" My mother has a bigger smile on her face than before.

"That's what this is all about, isn't it? Rest?" I whisper. 

"Know that what you're doing has great significance. Smile and push onward, Paulie." with that my Mother stands up, guides me towards the door.

I learned very quickly that day that while the world spins around me after I'm gone, it doesn't mean that I stop spinning. No matter how much I yearn for the peace of mind I could get from sleep, it would never be enough to stop the chaos that is simply existing. The chaos is eternal, and no matter what you do it will always continue. When you close your eyes and fall asleep, the world still screams and groans. There isn't anything peaceful about living or dying. 

"Paulie, the chosen one..." various members of my village kneel before me, all holding their hands to their hearts. My Mother rubs my back as if to calm me. I was calm enough, I've been waiting for this for the past couple of weeks. I wonder though, If the goal was to make calm in the village, why did they give me such a harrowing ultimatum to build dread over that time. Where is the calm? The walk slowly came to a close, and the ocean before me was intimidating the cold blue stretching out endless miles before me.

"Don't panic when the waves begin to overtake you, Paulie. Remain calm and let rest overtake your soul" an old man says as he pats me on the back. 

"Why was I chosen...?" I reach over to grasp my Mothers hand, only to be pushed away.

"Our dreams chose you, Paulie." he says, gently pushing me towards the ocean. "When you are ready, we'll begin." 

I never will be ready. I take a deep breath, and I nod. "I'm ready."

My senses are filled with a cold shock. I'm floating deep within the water. Wasn't I just at the surface a moment ago? I keep my breath held, perhaps hoping they would see the cruel reality I was being forced into. 

The world never stops turning when you close your eyes, you are powerless to stop the chaos in this world.

I feel the tips of my fingers screaming for air, my throat just barely opening up for a moment. I was ready to scream

I was sacrificed by the people who loved me to make the spinning stop, but in the end, their efforts were pointless. Chaos is always going to be a force in their lives.

I could see my hair floating around me, my skin a pale blue under the water. The colors around me seemed to fade in and out in a mix of reds and blues. Who am I again?

If I ever have another chance, I'm making the chaos stop entirely. With whatever power I have at my fingertips, I will make it all stop. 

The blue begins to fade in and out of my lungs as I give up trying to stop the pain. My eyes burning from the salty water around me. 

I, Paulie Lepprick, have no other desire in this world. I want the spinning to stop.