Keia

Chapter 25: Third Loop (Keia)

It was very hard to not feel awkward sitting at the table with Andy. He was a nice enough guy, but he asked me out pretty much out of the blue. The restaurant we went to wasn't exactly anything special, at least at first glance. It was sorta nice, I guess. Just nice enough to feel special if somebody takes you there, but not nice enough to dress nicely. Andy was grinning ear to ear every time he looked at me, which was very sweet.

"So... you look very nice" Andy breaks the awkward silence with a little compliment.

"Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself," I say with a nod. I fidget a little in my seat. He looked fine enough, I supposed. It wasn't like I lied to him. Why do I feel so guilty?

"The menu is kinda nuts, take a look!" Andy seemed genuine with his enthusiasm I guess. I feel sorta bad that I don't have the same level of excitement in me as he did. I feel really shitty about it actually. I don't want to pretend like I'm able to focus on this date. There are so many other things running through my head. At the very least it doesn't feel like he's trying to kill me. "Y'know, it's kinda funny." Andy says "I never thought I'd get a chance like this." for a brief moment my attention is drawn away from the anxious paranoid girl I've ended up being as of late. When was the last time I was able to slow down and experience something?

"I never really knew you saw me this way, though," I said.  Andy looks down at his menu again and chuckles.

"Yeah, a-and trust me! I do." he quickly turns around the menu and points to something. "They got  a big ol' selection of salads, by the way, could be tasty!" 

"If it's alright with you, I'm not fully comfortable ordering anything," I say. It was possible that somebody was trying to poison me at the rate things have been going. I just don't really feel like eating anything-

"If you're feeling shy, I'm ok ordering for you. I don't mind, really!" Andy smiles at me again. Where was this person hiding all this time? Admittedly, though, I don't want to talk to a waiter either.

"I am just not very hungry, is all." Why am I being so cold right now? He is trying very hard, I know he is. Why aren't I feeling the way I'm supposed to? Maybe it's because I'm so scared out of my mind right now that I'm not even willing to go into a bathroom, considering how that turned out the last couple of times. 

What if something kills you and the loop doesn't reset?

I felt myself tensing up as my mind screamed all the different scenarios that could happen in this restaurant. A waiter walks by with some kind of hot dish, what if it spills on me and I get severe burns? What if he wants to gut me with whatever silverware he may have tucked away. God, I should've stayed home I should've just let myself hide and-

"Keia, are you ok?" I feel a soft warmth on my hand. It was kind of sudden, actually. Andy was slowly pulling my hand away from my hair, which I was furiously twirling now. "You're gonna tug it outta your head if you keep doing that y'know." I feel myself freeze up with indecision, unsure if there are any dangers in telling him what's actually going on. I just want to hide. 

"Y-yeah I'm doing great, I promise" Oh god, what if he thinks it's his fault? Why can't I just slow the whole world down and just catch my breath? Andy softly grips my hand, stands up, and begins to escort me to the door. 

"Here, let's just take a breather," Andy says as he quietly pushes the door open to exit the restaurant.  I feel my stomach begin to tighten as an image flashed through my mind.

"Look, I can take you home. I probably shouldn't have brought you here." 

Autumn did this exact same thing the first time, this is all going to turn out to be a trick. No no no I can't die like this, not after Andy was so nice to me. Autumn was so kind to me as well, doing his best to be comforting.

"Whatever you're going to do, please don't do it," I say as a tear slowly rolls down my face.

"What?" Andy's face is suddenly filled with shock and horror. 

"I know you're going to do something to me so... please just don't."