2Yeon: Perception [Slow Updates]

Chapter 19

A/N: Sorry for the delay, I'm actually working on two TWICE fanfictions that I haven't published yet. One of them is a spinoff of this book and takes place directly after it. I'm not going to reveal what the ship is or what it is about (me mentioning another book should be enough of a spoiler). The other is a crossover and that's all I can say since you all can figure out which universe I'll be crossing over. I am going to publish one or both of them when I am almost finished with this book so you won't have to worry about long updates and such.

P.S. For any of you who might be wondering, COVID doesn't exist in this story.

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Day 7

Jeongyeon has been staring at herself in the mirror for a while now. It was a day after successfully obtaining the blessing of Nayeon's family sans her father and although the day ended on a good note, she couldn't help but remember her breakdown in the shower. It's only been a day but the bad thoughts that emerged yesterday had festered in her brain and now she's becoming conscious of everything about her. She hadn't gotten a good night sleep because of it, laying in bed with her mind going crazy and she began overthinking.

She compared her current image to what she looked like only a few months ago. It almost felt like she changed overnight, she wasn't this big during More & More era. And although she knew Nayeon didn't mean it, she went back to that day the bunny commented about her weight gain. Even before Nayeon mentioned it, she was already beginning to notice the changes in her body. Nayeon only confirmed what she had thought about herself and how if Nayeon could see how big she'd gotten, others would too. And other people wouldn't be as gentle about it as her unnie was. They'll notice and make harsh comments and Jeongyeon wouldn't be able to do anything to stop them. That's where the fear and insecurities start.

It eventually went past that of her weight; it wasn't the only reason she began to doubt herself. She even became hypersensitive of every little blemish in her skin that have always been there and she never had a problem with until now. Then she started to question if she was even good looking in the first place. 

She hated how she looked now and wondered if Nayeon thought the same. Would Nayeon accept her like this? Would she get that 'yes' from Nayeon when she finally asked her out? Was she worthy enough to be with Nayeon? Was she too ugly for her now?

She could feel her chest constricting and her breath beginning to quicken. She closed her eyes and took deep, shaky breaths. "Come on... not now, please," she muttered under her breath. She continued trying to regulate her breathing. She remembered it was something she told Mina to do in the past when she was having her anxiety attacks. It startled her as she realized she could be going through what Mina went through now. And she never thought she'd be following an advice she gave to their penguin not too long ago.

She wondered how she suddenly began to feel this way in just a few hours. Was it even possible to feel like this in such a short time? Or has she been feeling like this for a while and only began to notice it just yesterday?

She was the one who used to not care about what she looked like even when they had her keep that bowl cut during her rookie days. She didn't feel optimistic with that hairstyle but the fans loved it so she dealt with it. She used to be confident enough to make faces on camera, not worrying about what people might say about her. Where was that girl now? She wanted to be that carefree girl from her past but she had no idea how to go back to that time. She desperately needed her confidence right now.

There was a knock on her door and Jeongyeon gasped lightly. She was grateful for that knock snapping her back to reality but also mortified at the thought that someone would witness how she was slowly losing herself.