2Yeon: Perception [Slow Updates]

Chapter 23

A/N: I'm sorry this update took way too long. Aside from life getting in the way as per usual, I mostly had a tough time writing about the start of Jeongyeon's journey with anxiety. Even when I was just thinking about including Jeongyeon's anxiety in this fanfic, I already knew it would be hard for me to attempt to replicate since I myself am not familiar with how it goes for people diagnosed with it. I can't write about something I haven't experienced or seen before in person without getting a few or a lot of things wrong and end up being misinformed or spreading misinformation in the process. No one I am close to has been diagnosed with it so I have no one to ask about it and the medical jargon when I look it up on Google doesn't really encapsulate the dehumanizing aspects of anxiety and the painstaking process to overcome it. Aside from wanting to write a story about two people I personally think would look good together if they were at least bisexual and romantically interested in each other, I also wanted to spread awareness about anxiety and I want to do it the right way so please bare with me. 

...

Jeongyeon spent most of her morning and afternoon preparing for the barbeque with Seungyeon although the latter did most of the work. She had also wanted to clean the house but Seungyeon told her the house already looked spotless. However, to appease her sister, she said she would clean up here and there if she sees any litter. True to what she said, Seungyeon allowed herself to be bossed around by Jeongyeon who only helped occasionally when Seungyeon was having a hard time executing what she wanted her to do.

The time went by in a blur. Jeongyeon felt like she was on autopilot the whole time she was working. It wasn't a bad thing, per se. She was able to get her mind off of the events this morning. For a few hours, she could pretend nothing happened and look forward to spending the evening with her family and fellow members.

Before she knew it, it was almost 6. The rest of her family have arrived home an hour earlier and took over the preparations for her and Seungyeon so they could freshen up before the first guest arrived. Jeongyeon drew herself a bath and let the warm water soothe the muscles she just realized were sore. She was sat neck deep in the bathtub, staring at the wall. 

With nothing left to do, she was left with silence. The abrupt change from buzzing around the house like a busy bee to doing nothing the next second was unsettling. She wasn't in deep thought but it felt like there was a war inside her head and her emotions are all over the place. It was a strange state to be in. 

She had no idea how long she sat there until she heard knocks on her door from outside. 

"I'll be right out!" Jeongyeon said with a raised voice.

"Hurry, your girlfriend is here," Seoyeon called from outside the door, her voice muffled but clear.

"She's not my girlfriend yet!" Jeongyeon retorted, standing up from the bathtub. She grabbed the towel hanging by the sink and dried her body before wrapping it around herself. While she was doing this, she kept her back to the mirror. It was an unconscious action but she had to admit she couldn't look herself in the mirror without feeling hateful of her body. It will make dressing or cleaning up difficult but she can't bring herself to even catch a glimpse of the body she is currently not happy with without hating herself.

She got out of the bathroom to see Seoyeon leaning by the wall with an impatient look on her face. Jeongyeon was sure she was about to be reprimanded for taking too long in there when Seoyeon asked, "What's wrong?"

Jeongyeon thought she did a good job of hiding the surprise from her face. "Nothing," she replied though it sounded like a question. She scoffed before adding, "Why would there be anything wrong?"

"Your tone right there makes me think otherwise," Seoyeon said, pointing at her. "And you don't look okay."

Jeongyeon shook her head, walking away. "You're being delusional, I'm fine."