Spaces

Chapter 5

September 15, 2018.
9:30 am.
I woke up and began cleaning the apartment. Today is the day. I finally get to see him. I did everything that was on my agenda. 

The two months were the worst. After having Harry around me all the time for the past four years, I almost had forgotten what it was like to be alone. Most of my time I spent in silence. Even when I did work at the research, I think everyone noticed that I was acting differently without him around. The only thing kept me going was knowing that he was coming back.

I was reading a book when I got Harry's text that he had just landed at the airport and that I should be making my way to pick him up. I grabbed my purse and headed. I pictured our reunion. I would be waiting for him to come out and as soon as we saw each other we would drop everything and embrace.

As I was walking through the bridge that connected the parking lot and airport, my phone started ringing. I didn't recognize number, but still answered.

"Hello Ella," It was Harry. There was a slight panic in his voice. " I got stopped. The lady had asked me if I was aware that I had violated my previous visa. They have me in a room and are not letting me through."

It was if my worst nightmares had come to fruition. A thousand scenarios were going through my mind.

" Harry, what should I do?" I asked. I tried to hide the panic in my voice. " I'm going to get you. I'm going to try to find you."

" Ella, love, I have to go," Harry said before hanging up.

I quickly made my way into the airport. I went around asking where I could find him. No one was able to tell me. I started to panic. The crowd of people walking in the airport started to blur in all together. I stopped and took a seat. I breathed in and breathed out. My phone started ringing. It was from a phone number I didn't recognize. I answered the phone.

"Ella, I don't have much time. They're not letting me in because of the visa violation. They won't let me go through. Everything will be fine. We'll figure out something, but for now they are sending me back to England," Harry said.

" This is all my fault," I replied.

" Don't say that," he responded. " I love you. I'll call you when I land. Bye."

" I lo–" I started to say when the call ended.

March 28, 2019.

I've been without Harry for six months. Keeping in touch was just getting harder and harder. I would call him and he would miss the call. He would call and I would miss the call. We even tried skyping from time to time, but it just seemed like our lives were going in two different direction. After about three months of being without each other, we decided to end things. The hardest thing to do was deciding to let go. 

But had I really let go? No. Did I think our break up was for the best? Yes and no. On the one side, I wasn't living my life. Harry and I had a good thing when we were together and somehow being apart didn't make us as strong as I thought we would be. But how could we continue when we had so much space between us and did not know if we would be able be together again? 

 I just wanted to forget about everything so that I wouldn't be sad anymore. A week. That's how long I cried myself to sleep feeling helpless. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. A month. That's how long it took for me to become a somewhat version of my old self. I decided to spent countless hours at the researched lab I worked in so that I could  delve into my work. It was the only thing that distracted me. 

" Hey Ella," I turned around and it was Ryan. He is one of my co-workers.

" Hey," I responded as I smiled.

" How are things going?" He asked.

" Fine. I've spent a lot of hours in lab so I'm hoping the experiment gives us the results we wanted," I replied.

"I was thinking that maybe you and I could go grab something to eat. Would you like to go?" He asked.

" Ryan, I'm really flattered, but –," I managed to say before he interrupted me.

" I get it," Ryan replied.

The thing was that there was nothing wrong with Ryan. He was actually a pretty great guy. Although I wanted to move on from Harry, I just couldn't see me being with anyone yet. The thought of dating again made me feel like I was trying to replace Harry. The truth is I didn't want to replace him.

Ryan proceeded to turn around and leave.

" Wait," I said. I don't know why I stopped him from leaving. Actually, I lied. I know why I stopped him. I didn't want to be sad all the time anymore. I wanted to be happy again. 

" Yeah?" He asked as he turned around to look at me.

" I take what I said back ," I replied. This can work, right? "Can I still join you for lunch?"

"Yeah," he replied.  "Let's go."

Before I got up, I closed my laptop and reached for my purse. We went to the main cafeteria in the building for lunch.

"You mind me asking why you said no at first?" he asked. I paused before responding. Should I say it? Wasn't the point of this to forget about Harry?

"I just went through a tough break up," I responded. " I didn't think the time was right."

"We can just be friends," Ryan replied smiling. "After all, all we are doing is eating lunch."

I started to blush. I had just realized that I had assumed Ryan liked me and was asking me on a date. "This is embarrassing. "

"Why?" Ryan asked.

"Were you just asking me to go with you to lunch because you just wanted to be nice? Or were you asking me because you like me?" I asked.

"Both," he replied. " But I'm all for being your friend right now if that's what you need."