An Extraordinary Life - an anderperry story

Chapter One - June 1961

Runnin' Scared
"Just runnin' scared, feelin' low/Runnin' scared, you love him so"

It was Todd's final night at "Hellton".

Earlier that day he had finally graduated and would be heading off to Columbia University in the fall. One of his best friends, Steven Meeks, was the valedictorian of their class. The week before, he told the rest of the Dead Poets that he was going to end his speech with the poem they read at the beginning of each meeting. The boys cheered and couldn't wait to see Keating's face when Meeks read those words in front of the entire school:

"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Todd and his friends glanced up to see a knowing smile spread across Mr. Keating's face. Their Captain.

After the graduation ceremony, it was tradition for the graduating class to spend one final night in the dorms before returning home for the summer. Todd, Meeks, Neil Anderson, Charlie Dalton, Knox Overstreet, and Gerard Pitts had also decided to hold their final Dead Poets Society meeting to celebrate. They waited until they knew everyone would be asleep and then made their way to the cave.

Todd lingered behind the group, lost in thought about the last two years. His time at Welton had gone differently than he had expected. He was surrounded by his five best friends, received a glowing college recommendation letter from Mr. Keating, and was going to attend Columbia to study English. He was surprised when his parents agreed to it, although he was sure Jeffrey had done some convincing.

Meeks and Pits were off to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to study engineering and Charlie, Knox, and Neil were off to Harvard. Todd was going to be alone again. But he was leaving Welton with a little more confidence and more friends than when he arrived.

Charlie, Knox, and Neil were all following the paths their parents laid out for them. Charlie was going to study finance, Knox was pre-law, and Neil was doing pre-med. Every time college was brought up around Neil, he would become quiet. Everyone knew that he wanted to study acting but he had promised his mother to finish medical school and then he could do what he wanted.

During their junior year, Neil secretly auditioned to be in A Midsummer Night's Dream. Fortunately, it was his mother that found out, not his father. One day, Neil and Todd came back to their dorm to discover that she was waiting in there to talk to Neil. She had run into a family friend in the grocery store who mentioned Neil was in the play with her daughter. Mrs. Perry smiled and lied that they were so proud. She couldn't bring herself to tell Mr. Perry what she found out. She spoke with Neil instead and made him promise that he wouldn't act in another play while at Welton. She couldn't keep anything else from Mr. Perry. Neil begrudgingly agreed because he did not want to risk losing what he loved forever. The Dead Poets allowed their meetings to be times when Neil could be himself and act out a monologue or something he had been working on. It wasn't exactly how he wanted it to be, but he decided to live with it.

Todd thought back to the night Neil acted on stage as Puck. It was the first time he felt... something. He couldn't explain it. Was it admiration, pride? As time passed, he realized what it was - love. He was in love with Neil. But Todd knew he could never say or do anything about it. He didn't know how Neil felt, plus he couldn't act on those feelings. His parents would disown him and then what would he do? These thoughts plagued him for two years, giving him bouts of anxiety without warning.

But Todd couldn't help sneaking glances at his roommate when he would be intensely reading whatever Keating had assigned or staring when he read a poem at one of their Dead Poets Society meetings. Todd longed to be near Neil and would often find himself sitting next to him at meals, meetings, or sitting next to each other on one of their beds while they studied. It was like his subconscious couldn't get enough. Neil was intoxicating. He made Todd nervous but totally at peace like no one else could.